#58 - Taking The Leap of Your Life ft. Tommy Baker
In this episode, we’ve got Tommy Baker telling us all about how we can take the leap of our lives! Tommy is the founder of Resist Average Academy and he is all about helping high-achievers create a life they can’t wait to wake up for. He’s the author of UnResolution, The 1% Rule and The Leap Of Your Life, Tommy believes living up to our potential is what we’re here for.
In this episode, Tommy and I talk all the things, including what it’s like to change your path, some of the epiphanies and realizations, as well as uncertainties that come with it and how to navigate those! We talk about purpose and passion and how so often it’s not something that you can force yourself to find! We talk some of the myths about clarity and how to overcome them and SO freaking much more! I cannot wait for you to hear! Enjoy!
WHAT WE TALK ABOUT…
Changing your Path and some of the fears, questions, etc. that can come with that
How it’s often not about “finding” your passion, but letting your passion and purpose find you
Dealing with naysayers, why they’re naysaying and how they might actually become your biggest supporters
The myths about clarity and how sometimes it’s just not necessary to have the whole plan from the get-go
How to get crystal clear on your vision for your life and find the answers within you!
Resources in this episode:
Book a transformation call here
Ellyn: 00:12 Hey everyone. Welcome to the growth tribe podcast where we're all about growing ourselves to create lives we f'ing love on our term. I'm Ellyn and I'm a former biomedical research-turned-coach who fell in love with personal growth when it empowered me to transform my house, quit my phd, travel the world, and start my own business. But don't get me wrong, I'm still figuring my shit out too, and I am so pumped to share what I'm learning along the way. We've got amazing interviews, big stories, tricks, and no bullshit action steps that we can all learn from. So with that, welcome to this episode of the growth tribe.
Ellyn: 00:53 Today's episode is brought to you by transformational one on one coaching. If you've never tried coaching before, this is the way to start. One on one coaching is perfect for that person who knows that they've done all they can on their own and need something that's going to help them go to the next level. That's where one on one coaching can help. If this sounds like something that you'd be into had to coach ellen.com/one on one dash coaching. With that, let's get to the show.
Ellyn: 01:25 Oh Hey. Hey friends. Welcome back to the growth tribe podcast. Holy Shit. Am I pumped for you guys to hear from today's guest today we have Tommy Baker on the podcast and this dude, oh my God, he is legit. Tommy is a coach, an author, a speaker, a podcaster, and his big thing is about helping people bring their dreams to life to create lives that they just cannot wait to get out of bed for. He is the author of three amazing books, unread solution, the 1% rule, which was actually my first introduction to him and his new book, the leap of your life. He's all about helping people live up to their potential. And we dig into how you can do that today, how you can take that leap of your life, that leap into your bigger, better life. And we do it in so many different ways.
Ellyn: 02:26 We dig into, you know, how to change directions after starting a journey, you know, and some of the integrity and fear that can come with the uncertainty of changing paths. We talk about that. We talk about naysayers along the path and along the process, how to deal with that. We talk about what's almost the myth of clarity. Do you really need as much clarity as you think you might need to pursue a path? We talk about, you know, purpose and passion and how so often we make such a deal about finding purpose and passion when maybe that's not how it works at all. Maybe purpose and passion find us. This is such an amazing conversation full of so many incredible nuggets, kernels of wisdom, amazing stories from Tommy's life and he gives these incredible tips and exercises that I cannot wait to dig into and that I cannot wait for you guys to hear. If you are in a place of stuckness, questioning, uncertainty, tune in, listen to this from beginning to end and of course checkout Tommy's book, the leap of your life. I literally have it on my kindle and I cannot wait to dig in. So with that so pumped for you all to hear from today's episode and today's interview with the one and only Tommy Baker, let's get into it.
Ellyn: 03:54 Tommy! Welcome to the podcast. I'm so pumped to have you today.
Tommy: 03:58 Thank you so much for having me on. I'm excited to be here in co create some magic together.
Ellyn: 04:03 Yes, yes, of course. I love it. Cocreate magic. That's exactly what's going to happen today. I'm so everybody got a bit of a picture of kind of all that you've done, which is a lot, um, in our intro today. But just to kick things off, can you just kind of tell us who is Tommy Baker like from more of the personal side?
Tommy: 04:23 How deep you want to go here?
Ellyn: 04:27 When were you born?! *laughs*
Tommy: 04:28 No, it's a great question! So for me, I just, just to simplify it, I consider myself a real humble students of life. Um, and somebody who, uh, is willing to ask, ask the questions. And I have if we all have these questions in life, but to me my journey has been one of asking the questions, creating this space to not have all the answers but to start exploring that and peeling back the layers. Um, and that's really what led me down various paths of personal growth and transformation. I have a 10 year quest to discover really who am I? Why am I here? Um, it really peel back the layers of purpose and meaning and really what I want and, and now what I get to do, because I feel so blessed is to help people do the same thing. So that's why I am, I'm a humble students. I'm excited to connect to people like you who have made bold decisions, who have gotten off the sidelines and who are constantly pushing against their emotional edge because that's what growth is, who were, are becoming the example for so many other people out there. We're going to look at you who are going to look at me, who are going to listen to this podcast and be inspired to do the same.
Ellyn: 05:28 Yeah, I love that. I when you say getting off the sidelines. I went to a conference lately where they were talking about it's the game of life and you've got to play it. So I love that notion of getting off the sidelines! Like former competitive soccer player. So definitely love that. So 10 year journey though. How did that 10-year journey start for you?
Tommy: 05:48 Yeah, it started with, with those two questions and also a couple of key experiences. And I believe in life we have these, these inflection moments, these moments where, um, sometimes they come through and really ordinary moments, but we just get a download, we get a hit, we get a moment of clarity. So one of them for me was, uh, living in Manhattan at a young age. But again, feeling like I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I want to feel pressured by my family to go down this financial services route. It's not what I want. I'm on a train headed into the city and, um, to go to a place where I was interning were ultimately I got offered a position in the financial services industry, but I knew it wasn't for me. And I'm on that train. It's 2008, so right after the financial crisis. And I just felt the heaviness of the people in the train. And there were mostly men in the train. There were in their thirties, forties, 50s and beyond all go into the same place. But a lot of their wealth had just been taken away. Really the thing that they traded all of their happiness and fulfillment for. Um, and I really saw myself on the wrong train of life in the moment, literally and also figuratively and doing something that I didn't want to do, but my, it felt pressured by my family and the people around me to do.
Tommy: 06:57 And so in that moment, I just, I mean, I had one of those moments of clarity that we all do. It's like, this is the path that I'm going on and this is not my path. Um, and that started to unravel the, the process of, okay, I know what I don't want, what do I actually want? It's what am I going to give myself permission to declare to myself and others that I want? And that's what started that process.
Ellyn: 07:18 Yeah, like giving, giving yourself permission is huge. I know for me when I went down my path I was getting my phd in microbiology and I was just like I should stick with this. It was almost like a question of integrity. Like if I changed my mind about what I want, does that still mean I have integrity? Like did you find yourself running up against that question?
Tommy: 07:40 Absolutely. And we'll have so much questioning that is really just this fear mechanism of us really brushing up against our emotional edges. And one of the hardest things to do is to just want to get honest first with ourselves. Like that is so difficult to just get honest to, to like shut off from the noise of life and check in with ourselves and say, Hey, are we on the right path?
Tommy: 08:04 One of the reasons that we don't get honest is because if you really get honest and truthful, there's going to be some uncomfortable pain in there. Possibly there's going to be a transformation that we have to do. So it's much easier to just avoid that. So for me, it definitely was that. It was like, okay, I had set out and I've always considered myself someone who's, you know, achievement is, is really easy for me in a sense that I'm ambitious, probably much like you, that I could succeed in, in multiple things. But again, if I was going to succeed in something at the expense of my fulfillments, well that's not success at all to me anymore. And so, um, we're going to have to brush up against, you know, these, these emotional barriers that we create in one of those might be, hey, you know, well this is, this is the path that I'm on right now.
Tommy: 08:50 Or if our, I've already spent four years in this path, how could I change right now? Or I'm going to be out of, or who's gonna think or my parents and stuff like that. And it's like, what do we really want? Let's get honest with ourselves first.
Ellyn: 09:01 Yeah. Yeah, 100%. And I feel like it starts with realizing what you don't want. Like I feel like some people think that that's a bad thing to start at that point. But I feel like we all start at what we don't want. Like there's probably some negative experience or negative emotion that's motivating us starting to figure out what we do want. So did you have clarity when you originally had that, that inclination of what you don't want? Like did you have any concept of, okay, how can I change directions now?
Tommy: 09:32 I love that. I love what you said there because it's so true. It's so true. A lot of people think that they have to have every little step in detail of what they want from day one and getting their actually becomes a feedback mechanism for us not to actually do those things. Um, so I'll always say, I'll start with just a little bit of clarity.
Ellyn: 09:52 Yeah.
Tommy: 09:52 I need a little bit of clarity. That's it. And for me, so I knew what I didn't want and then I just started to pull it some of the strings, like what am I, what am I spending most of my time on? Where am I if I, if I had a free day, what am I doing? You know? And so I say, you know, our purpose and passion and things like that, when we pull it, the strings of her curiosity, they start to show up. And that's how I started to do with no pressure.
Tommy: 10:14 Cause how many, how often in this space that we're in do we put a lot of pressure on this purpose? You know...
Ellyn: 10:22 Yeah! Like - find your passion!
Tommy: 10:23 Yeah, right. Governed. It's going to take so much work. And it's like, what if we just allow it to come up? What if we don't pressure on it? And we just organically allow it to come up. And when we do that, guess what? It's gonna. It's gonna come up. There are things right now, somebody listening like you're something that you're interested in, something that you're better than the average person. That's something that your friends come to you for something that you do automatically, that nobody has to wake you up. You don't have to set alarms for, nobody has to motivate you. Let's pull on that a little bit.
Ellyn: 10:50 I love that. Yeah. I always say chase enthusiasm. Like if there is something that you genuinely look forward to going to do, like I'm a nerdy human and I genuinely look forward to, to reading sometimes pub med articles. I can't shake my inner scientist. It just, it will always be with follow that, that enthusiasm. So when you started to follow your enthusiasm, where did that take you?
Tommy: 11:18 The first place for me was just a physical transformation and helping, you know, for me it was, that was physicality is always been like a quest to get to know who I am. And it was more of a spiritual quest, but just that, that desire to, um, help myself physically because I, you know, Maslow's hierarchy, I just believe that physical foundation is so important to get to the other levels. Um, but within that, you know, seeking expertise in that and getting really good at that. And then ultimately teaching people on that. And so that led me to open up my first gym and then my second gym and really build an awesome thriving business, really doing something that I, but I wanted. And you know, when I first told people like my parents or people around me, you know, cause I had gotten a job offer at the time and I said, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna start this gym.
Ellyn: 12:04 Go from financial services to being like, no, I'm going to open it. Like how did, how did the people in your life respond to that?
Tommy: 12:11 Well my parents sort of like, "you, you're going to be a personal trainer. Is that what you're saying?" Um, my girlfriend at the time said, yeah, that's probably never going to happen. You know, I had a lot of, a lot of negative feedback come back. But when you don't have the right tribe and you know, obviously something like a parents, like they had my best interest in mind based on their perception and now they absolutely love what I do. But early on when you're not completely aligned with the right tribe, you're going to get some pushback, right? And to me, if you are thinking bold and big enough and it's really important to you, you actually should get some pushback and that's going to help you. That's going to help you ask some tough questions for yourself. You know, do I really want this? Why do I want this? Am I willing to endure my ruling to last in this for a really long time after the highest starting has worn out? Um, so that helped me get really clear and then also start to find my new tribe for people are going to be like, that's awesome, man. How can I support you? What do you need for me? Et Cetera, et cetera.
Ellyn: 13:08 I think that's so crucial because I feel like so many people here, well, if people aren't supporting you outright, then you need to just cut them from your life. And obviously when it's family, we cannot do that. Like sometimes it's even good friends and I love that you said like they have your best interests at heart lake. Absolutely. Trying to protect you. They are actually got accused of wanting to surround myself with. Yes. People. When I made the decision to leave graduate school and get my Phd, I got one of my very good friends was like, "you just want yes people in your life." Admittedly we're not very close anymore but like, no, I don't want yes people in my life because my parents, like they weren't super into it. Like I was leaving my phd to be a coach. It was kind of the same position that you were in of "you're really going to change directions to do that?" Like they were scared for me and you know, I'm still building the business so they're still, you know, there's still some insecurity from their perspective, but they get the passion now and they're starting to get on board. Like you want people that are going to challenge you and not let you have hazardly go down these new paths.
Tommy: 14:14 Absolutely. And if they're the right people, they're going to come around anyways. Cause, ultimately if they're the right people, they want to see us doing something that fulfills, they want to see us in our best light. And also, you know, sometimes early on, you know, we don't really have the proof to really to really show people what are, they can't see our vision as clearly as we can. So how could we expect them to be on the same wavelength? So don't treat that as like they're trying to bring you down. Just get really centered and grounded, tapping your vision, try to communicate that to them in a way that makes sense. But then then it's time to start bringing to create that progress, action and take, make courageous decisions. And then proof starts coming in and they're like, wow, wow. That's like, that's, that's happening.
Tommy: 15:01 Let's talk about that. And then you got, you started enrolling people into your life. Some of my greatest, like, I don't know, quote unquote fans or advocates or people who like, they followed me in high school, but he knew me back then. They started to see for me to go with on this whole journey there like, dude, that sounds crazy. What are you doing? This is lame, whatever, and are they come back? And they're like, dude, I can't stop watching your content. And I love that because they've seen literally the whole journey across. And that to me is very powerful. So this whole just like cut out anyone who doesn't agree that's not good. We need challenge. We need to be pushed. I want to see how bad, how bad do I want it? Even if there were naysayers, how bad do I actually want it? Is there something in there that I can learn from? And that's when we really get in a powerful position.
Ellyn: 15:45 1000% like everything that you just said right there. Yeah. I love the notion that some of your best advocates are the people who've seen the entire picture. Yeah. I love that notion. And we will face resistance on whatever path we go down. Like I've started to realize that some of the resistance is starting to be a bit of a hallmark for me of, okay, I'm on the right path, like even resistance from from me and my own signs that, you know, if I'm resisting something, that's starting to be an indicator too. So I feel like if you get that early on from some of the people in your life, maybe that's not a bad thing that's going to kind of build up that resilience that you're probably going to need to go after the big vision anyway.
Tommy: 16:29 And you're absolutely right because we're going to face that resistance. Really just being frank on a daily basis. Yes. All right, we are, we're going to face it in different ways and as we grow and expand, guess what? It's not going to go away. It's just going to change and transform. Our capacity increases, but the resistance still shows up in other ways. I was just giving a talk at a mastermind. I was talking about fear and how fear will just transform to our new level of capacity. So I gave the example of Elizabeth, Elizabeth Gilbert, she's an author. She wrote the amazing book, Eat, pray, love. It. Blew up 12 million copies. So her fear before that was, am I ever going to make it or for your after that was is my best work behind me. Still fear still exists. It's still the same exact feeling of fear. It just transformed. So I always say we've got to get comfortable with fear. It's not going to go away. As we grow and expand, it's going to find new ways to slide in. But that's not a bad thing. That means that we're going to grow. That means that we are growing. That means that we're facing, we're facing fear head on and actually using it as a tool to move forward instead of stand back.
Ellyn: 17:30 Oh, I love that so much. And I, you know, what I like about that is I always hear people say, you know, be fearless and I don't like that. I always kind of been like, Eh, is that really practical to think from the perspective of being fearless. Absent of fear? I don't agree with that at all. It's always going to show up.
Tommy: 17:52 Absolutely. I say I say courage is literally being drenched in fear, paralyzed by fear, but then choosing deep within to access something that we didn't know we hadn't taken the next step anyways and the next step after that and the next step after that. Right, and that's, that's the definition. Of course. I completely agree. Fearlessness, like if you have zero fear about your goals and your desires, here's the truth there. You're not thinking big enough. They're not that important to do something is something is out of alignment. You're probably on a very predictable path and it's not yours to be honest. And when I was on the path that wasn't mine, I didn't have like a lot of fear. Obviously I started to recognize the awareness of a fear of like regrets and I don't want to be here, but let's shove that aside for a second.
Tommy: 18:36 I wasn't, you know, when we're in a comfortable state. I like to separate life into three phases: survival, comfort and thriving, when we're in a comfortable state, there's not a lot of fear because there's not a lot of challenge because there's nothing on the horizon that's pulling us. There's no nothing that's really inspiring us to move forward. And so again, if we're not constantly facing some type of fear or some type of resistance, something's missing. Something's missing.
Ellyn: 19:01 Oh God, yes. 1000%. So like in your experience, so you open your gym, you were, you were doing that, you were following that passion of health and fitness. So what kind of obstacles did you start to run into there? Like was it a fearless thing where you just not challenging yourself enough?
Tommy: 19:20 Yeah. You know, one of the biggest obstacles was like, okay, I had the passion, I had expertise, I had enthusiasm, but I had to acquire a bunch of other skill sets that we're going to help me on that journey. And so getting really uncomfortable to acquire those skill sets. So again, I always tell people we've got to have passion, we've got to have meaning, we've got to have purpose, we've got to have all of that stuff, enthusiasm. But we also have to marry in skills that are going to allow us to take those things and really showcase them to the marketplace, to the people that we want to impact, et Cetera, et cetera. So to me, that whole thing was such a blessing, even though it was hard to really sharpen up all of my skill sets, my ability to communicate, my ability to write copy, my ability as a writer, just to write content that connects my ability to market, my ability to influence, like all of these things that I was very raw and frankly just really bad at the face them head on and search to get really, really just become the students of them and understand that our skill sets are going to take the things that are important to us and really magnify and amplify them to the marketplace. So I always say it's not enough to have passion. That's great that you got passionate. It's Krieger enthusiastic about something, what are some skill sets that are gonna let you can marry with that passion to really grow and expand, really create the income and the impact that we're here for.
Ellyn: 20:41 Gosh - you're listing off all of those skills and I'm just sitting here thinking everybody needs to open a business because those are just like important life skills. I know you really need to communicate to connect with people. Like yeah, I'm just kind of the way my brain went. Oh, okay. So you've got this, this gym that you've opened, multiple gyms that you opened, you learn all of these skills. You were heading down this path. What happened next?
Tommy: 21:06 Again, another, another one of these inflection periods, and this was, this was not five years down the line. So I was doing the thing that I had wanted to do and I told everybody I was going to do enough, frankly, fulfilled on purpose until I wasn't as much anymore. And then I had to again start asking some tough questions. Um, so ultimately that led me to, you know, being, and again, back in New York in Manhattan on a New Year's Eve night and I had a moment of massive breakthrough in massive clarity. So I'm like at a dinner table, it's New Year's Eve. I needed space literally and figuratively. So I left the restaurant and I just started walking. I came across this open field and I said, this is not my path anymore. It really served me for the last five years, but it's not my path anymore. Um, my, my deep rooted interest, my curiosity, that things that lit me up and really transformed through, you know, through this process.
Tommy: 22:04 And so that moment I just got radically clear and I closed my eyes and I said, okay, five years down the line, take myself there. Like really intentionally and I, anybody listening, this is such a great tool for you to get clear with a lot of intention, not just like quickly, but like close your eyes. If there's something that you need to decide on or if you're on a path that you know, it's not yours, take yourself five years down the line, how does that feel? How do you walk into a room? How do you look at yourself in the mirror? What is the internal self talk? Really go deep on that. And frankly, I didn't like what I saw. Um, and at that point I had been, it's, you know, it's, it's easy to tell people when things aren't working, when it's obvious things aren't working.
Tommy: 22:42 But you know, this was what I said I wanted and we had experienced, you know, decent level of success. And I had a staff of 12 people, so I had a lot of responsibility with this. But on that night, and I said, this has to change and have to move on. The next evolution of me is not in this space and I got to move on. And so again, I had a moment of clarity. I pulled out my iPhone and I set a vision and a, I didn't know how it was gonna happen. I had no blueprint. I had no seven step system, just signed a big lease. Gonna had all these employees, but it didn't matter. Your desires, your dreams, they shouldn't make sense. The shouldn't always make sense. There's moments where you're, your logical mind is going to be like, what are you doing? Um, but again, that created the transformation that led me to where I am today really in a much more um, in a, in a, you know, creating coaching experiences, doing live events, speaking, writing books. Um, but I needed to go through that process to acquire all of those skillsets and then ultimately get clear about what my next step was.
Ellyn: 23:44 I have to say, this is probably my favorite part of your story is that you found a passion, a quote unquote passion. You followed that passion and it still ended up being wrong. Cause one of my biggest fears when I started going into coaching was what if I changed my mind again? Like how will that reflect on me? And it paralyzed me for like the first two years I was even considering doing this. And yeah, I was in the middle of graduate school when I was kind of dealing with this. But I was so scared of changing my mind again and how that would reflect on me and how I would feel about myself. That just the pure notion that you experienced that exact same thing resonated with me so much. So.
Tommy: 24:29 Absolutely. And it's again, it's again getting honest with myself about that was really hard cause like, and it's very nuanced. No, sometimes like this had been five years and when we, when we, you know, we're going to evolve as people, we're going to involve as business people, we're gonna involve with a creator's anything that we do.
Tommy: 24:45 So it's very nuanced. We have to have a high level of self awareness, you know, cause sometimes people will make big pivots and they'll do it for the wrong reasons. But deep down when you've built that self awareness and that relationship with yourself, like you know, like we know. And so I knew that hey, could I stay on this path and be 75% fulfilled? So likely. But that last 25% would start to eat at my soul and only I would know really, and I didn't want to look back five years on the line and say, you know what? I had that moment of clarity. I knew I had to change. I knew something had to change it. In the book I call it, you know, we have our purpose, but then we always have the vehicle of delivery of that purpose and the vehicle of delivery of the purposes of the ongoing evolution. My vehicle early on was through physical transformation even though so much was, you know, between the ears. But after that I had just outgrown that vehicle of delivery. Like did the purpose changed so much? I mean, a lot of the conversations that I'm having today are very similar, just different contexts, but again, and there are about human behavior and transformation and change and habits, all of that stuff. But the vehicle of delivery has to change. Otherwise I would be out of alignment and less fulfilled.
Ellyn: 25:55 I love that, that perspective, the vehicle of delivery because yeah, if I feel like if so many of us dig into why we're doing what we're doing, that's probably going to be a consistent theme.
Tommy: 26:06 Yes.
Ellyn: 26:06 How we go about delivering that, that's what's going to switch up over time. I love that. Wow. Okay. Cool. Okay, so this is, this is where Tommy's at now. He's doing all the coaching, all the speaking, all of the, all of this stuff. So my first big, big exposure to you, which I mentioned in that email I sent you was the 1% rule. Um, and I feel like you've demonstrated this as you've kind of explained a bit of your, your personal journey. Um, and I love that book because that book's all about learning to enjoy the process, which we mentioned. We're very achievement driven. People sometimes I get very stuck in learning to enjoy the process. Um, so for you, how did you come to find the importance of learning to love that process of having this the 1% rule and your life and how can people apply that to theirs? And some of the decisions that they're making and changing their paths.
Tommy: 27:04 Absolutely. Yeah. And it came really out of an obsession with outcomes in my own life and how it comes. Outcomes are incredible and it's so important to have a vision, but I started to notice that you know these, these quote unquote mountain top moments, they're very fleeting who we become in the process of getting to the next mountain top or the next goal is where the gold is. I mean that is where the transformation happens, right? Like in a marathon and the marathon is 26.2 miles. You know, you crossed that finish line and it's, it's like a five second experience and yeah you have a high and and that lasts the rest of the day. But the person you became that put in the training that didn't believe that they were able to do it, that hired the coach, even though it didn't make sense. I went through all that process and showed up on race day, even though you weren't a lot of sleep, like that person that you're going to carry those, that person with you like the rest of your life.
Tommy: 28:00 You know, those outcomes in the achievements, they're there but they're not who you are. And so for me it was just being in this space and seeing way too much of a focus on the mountain top. Which way too much of a focus on the end results now that a lot with fitness. Yeah. Yeah. And and, and in this space to, you know, helping entrepreneurs really break through and transforming. It's like you're good. I like the process is what we have today. The pursuit is what we have today. Right. And I noticed this conditional living, it's like when I get that, then I'm going to allow myself to feel joy and freedom and abundance and bliss. And it's like time out. I'll be happy when syndrome. Yeah, let's, let's cut out the middleman. Why do we have to wait for something? Why don't we enjoy the process today, right.
Tommy: 28:49 Create those feelings today. And then guess what? We're going to collapse the time to actually bring those to life. So the 1% rule specifically was designed to like ease some of that pressure off of those big outcomes. Because what happens when we set these shoot visions and I'm like, I'm huge. I set these, you know, I help my clients at these really big visions, but when they're so big, then what do we focus on? Well, how far I have to go look at this gap. Look at that person over there. They're like, they're already on the mountain top. Why should I even bother getting started? We would place our awareness and our focus on the wrong places. So I love the focus on the vision because the what is important and so is the why. But then let's take a step back all the way back to right here.
Tommy: 29:27 What are the six inches in front of her face in the six inches in front of our faces? Just that small 1% that we can do today and 1% incrementally over the course of a year is going to be 3.65 times. So that's a pretty decent return if we just stay every single day. But there's also the law of exponential growth, which we can't necessarily control. We can control is the inputs. And then with enough time the compounding starts to happen. And when we do that, we can get 37 times growth. So I'm totally cool if I just know that 1% today. Like if I just win the day physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and, and in my business, I know the results are going to come and that's what I wanted to give people back to peace of mind and the freedom and get rid of some of that pressure cause we're already really overwhelmed. We've got a lot going on. Everybody's super busy. Let's lower that bar of winning the day and let's start to celebrate the wins in our life instead of focusing of, oh my God, how far do I have to go?
Ellyn: 30:21 Yeah, I love that because I have so many friends, clients, just people in my life. I've struggled with this as well, that the, the vision is wonderful, but they struggle with delayed gratification. Yes. And I like that. That makes it a very, very tangible thing for them. Like when the day, like I uh, I was talking to my friend, I did a podcast interview earlier today talking to her, we were talking about success and markers of success in definitions of success and how your definition of success could be very, very different than the goals that you've set that you eventually want to attain. Like, I would love to be an Amazon bestselling author. I want to give a Ted talk, like my big crazy goals. I want to share the stage with Brene Brown.
Tommy: 31:06 Yeah,
Ellyn: 31:07 Putting that out their to the universe.
Tommy: 31:07 That's great!
Ellyn: 31:07 Yeah. Like, but it's terrifying to think about how do I make that happen now? So like the game plan right now is Tedx in Seattle, the applications are open. So I have downloaded the template and I have started.
Tommy: 31:23 I love that. Right? So, okay, so this is a great example, right? I want to share a stage with Brene Brown. If we just focus on that now, it's an incredible goal. I have no doubt it's going to happen. But if we just place our focus on that, then we place your focus on where we are today and it's like, oh my God, that is so far away. And then
Ellyn: 31:40 She just released a Netflix special today.
Tommy: 31:44 Oh, nice. Okay, I know what I'm going to be...
Ellyn: 31:46 Like, holy shit!
Tommy: 31:47 Friday night! It's going down. All right, that's awesome. But yeah, we're going to focus on the space between, but what you did is brilliant. You're focusing on, okay, what is something that's going to give evidence of that vision coming true and that it's possible and you're just looking for something that's right. That the TEDX thing, and we can all do this. You know, people say, "Tommy, how have you written three books? How are you so consistent with writing?" And you know, one of my big goals that's going to happen is to be a New York Times bestselling author, author. But if I start there, if I start there, then I focus on, okay, how far I have to go and then I get out of what I can do today, which is what I can write a thousand words today. I can put everything into this blog post, I can deliver so much value into the content that I'm creating. I could, and you know, in this book I can, I can be the best writer I can be for this book and that's all I can control. And then the next time she's going to get a little bit deeper. So I love that. Keep it simple and just find something that's going to show evidence of view. Bringing that vision or life.
Ellyn: 32:48 Yeah, it's really all about momentum. Like I feel like that my friends and my clients and, and all the people that listen to this get sick of me saying that momentum is the secret sauce, but it really is like what is the smallest daily minimum you can meet to move the goal forward and just start there. Just build momentum in that way.
Tommy: 33:08 And that's it. And then the hardest part is what it's starting anything. The hardest part is starting with anything, even on a daily basis. It's like for me as a writer, I've written a thousand words, well at least 500 words now for over eight years. Those first 250 words, Tanya, it's not good. They're clunky. They don't make sense. They're really bad. I'm facing resistance. What am I saying is I want to connect to this. Does that make any sense? Oh, I get to 500 I'm like, oh, actually, okay, this is getting better. I get to seven 50 I get to a thousand okay, now I'm in flow. Wow. Today I did 3,500 words, but I set the bar really, really low. A 500 if I set the bar 3,500 I'm going to get so much more resistance, so I love that.
Tommy: 33:48 Start small. Identify what winning the day looks like for you and your business and your life, and then let's celebrate those wins and celebrate those wins every single night. Would I do now? I've done this for years is seven wins of the day. This podcast podcast will be on there later today. Just seven wins and I'm telling you, even on the hardest days, even on the most challenging days, your holidays when it seems like nothing worked out for somebody listening, I know you can identify seven wins. I know you can identify a moment at the, at the grocery store where you held some space and gave a compliment or receive the compliments or you had that tough conversation or you encourage somebody else or whatever it may be. Or maybe you did three minutes of meditation and you were beating yourself up because it was supposed to be 10 but hey, Alicia did three and when we start to focus on what's working, then we get into what you said, which is momentum.
Ellyn: 34:38 Yeah, and I like, I love the examples that you just gave because I feel like that's what we do is we judge ourselves for not hitting the ideal bar that we've set. You know, sometimes maybe your win is I got out of bed today. Maybe your win is I showed some love to my friend who shared something really vulnerable on social media yet. Like maybe that's part of your way and like it doesn't have to be anything extravagant and it does not have to be like my, my perfect morning is that I meditated 10 minutes and done blah blah blah blah blah. Like it does not not have to be that complicated.
Tommy: 35:14 I completely agree. And I love, I love that you said that we tend to complicate things and when we complicate things, the chances of us actually doing them are much less likely. That's why I liked the, I brought the 1% rule. It's like how can we make this so simple? Because we've now, especially in the entrepreneurial space or stuff like that, we've now valued complexity. But the truth is simplicity has a lot more value. And so I'm always telling my clients, let's seek simplicity. How can we simplify that? Okay, you have this big vision. Okay, what can you do today? So you've identified, okay, you have tedx talk. What are three things today that you could do towards that Tedx talk? I'm going to do the proposal. You're gonna do the pitch, whatever that looks like, and let's simplify our goals down. So we started accumulating momentum.
Ellyn: 35:58 Uh Huh. Yeah, so huge. And we, I feel like we undervalue simplicity sometimes, but it's, it's often the crux. It's the thing that we need. Oh, absolutely. I love, I love all of this. I love your message. I love how you go about encouraging people to make those incremental improvements in their life. Um, and we talked about like getting off the sidelines of our lives at the very, very beginning of this, which is so wonderful way to kind of almost come full circle, which not white, we're not done yet. Um, but like you, your whole thing is about resisting average and you just held up your book a little bit ago, which you guys can't see obviously because you're just listening to us. But that's obviously the message of your new book is how you can take, uh, that, that big leap into your dreams and, and leaning into the fear in your life to ultimately make that dream happen. So you've talked a bit about how you leapt into yours, but how is this book kind of the next evolution for you? Absolutely. Yeah.
Tommy: 37:00 And this book was born after, I wasn't necessarily planned it just so many conversations with people who they know, they, they, they're, they're, no, the other men for something bigger and bolder. They know they have a deeper desire. They know they're maybe on the wrong path. And then I would say, awesome. So what are you going to do about that? And they'd say, you know, Tom, it's not the right time. It's not the right moment. I don't have enough money. I need another degree in another certification. You've got to wait till I do this bit, do this. And you know, the thing is that when we have clarity around something, the longer that we wait more time that we actually, uh, let pass, the more the resistance. And the fear is just going to find creative ways to stop us from doing so. So we can actually, I have no doubt that anybody listening, you have moments of clarity all the time. And again, they can come during the ordinary moments. They can come after a great workout or yoga session. They can come, um, when you're traveling and the, and the plane levels out and you're like asking those questions about your life now that you can see some perspective down there. Um, or maybe
Ellyn: 38:01 This might be TMI, but mine come in the shower all the time.
Tommy: 38:04 I get one of those post it notes things in the shower. They're so cool. These are in the morning commute when you're on autopilot, but you're like actually thinking about your life. We have these moments of clarity and in those specifics moments, like if I just took a snapshot, that emotional state, I'm convinced that you have a hundred percent clarity and 100% certainty in that moment. What happens after that is that we start to lose just a fraction of that belief in that certainty of actually bringing that to life. So the leap was really designed to help people, you know, just figure out what that is, get really clear and ultimately just give themselves permission to take a shot before they feel ready. Because here's, here's the news slash here's the truth. You're never going to feel ready. But when you hop into it, when you step into the game, when you get off the sidelines, everything changes because your level of fulfillment is exponential.
Tommy: 38:58 And always say fulfillment attracts achievements and especially in during achievement. But achievements like we've discussed doesn't attract fulfillment. And so, you know, this is for somebody who knows that there's something bigger for them. They may be on the wrong path, they may be like you in the PHD program and they're chasing it, but deep down they know it's, that's not their end game. That's not for them. And I really wrote this because it's regrets can be a very hollow feeling. We've all felt that. The great thing about regret is that we've all felt some of it, which means that we can, you know, we can use that as leverage to make bold decisions in the future. Um, so that's a big theme of the book of like, okay, seriously, like three, five, 10 years online. If you stay on the same path, if you didn't do that thing, if you didn't book that adventure, if you didn't launch the podcast, if you didn't write the book, if you didn't do the Tedx talk, what does that feel like?
Tommy: 39:54 Right? And what can we do today to make a change towards that? And that's really the energy of the book. And the first line of the book is, is what are you waiting for? And when I sent it to my publisher, I said, Tommy, isn't that like a little intense, a little aggressive? I said, it is, it is though. Because um, at least you know, with the, with the stuff that I do, I really challenge people because I respect them. You know, my, my friends that I have now, we're constantly challenging one another because we respect one another enough not to let one another off the hook. How do we support each other? Of course, tons. We're always lifting each other up, but we also challenge each other like, oh, you just said you're going to try to do that. You're actually going to do that. What you said you have this, this big dream of doing this. What's the date that you're going to make that happen? Or how can I support you? Or do you really think that's going to take six months? And that's the power of putting ourselves out there. When we put ourselves out there and we take a bold leap, our tribe just comes and finds us because they're also, guess what? They're in the game and they're in, they're playing in the arena and we all want to be surrounded by people who are playing. That came,
Ellyn: 40:56 I'm grinning because I literally just had it pan out in my life just like that. Like two weeks ago to the day actually. Um, I put out there into, into a meeting with my mastermind that I wanted to start speaking.
Tommy: 41:11 Yes.
Ellyn: 41:11 The next day I went to an event and met a woman who's a speaking coach. Oh, the Tedx speaking coach. And we got on a call the next day and she called me out on a lot of the language I was using around, I'm going to try to do this. It would be so nice to do a Ted talk. And she was just like, honey, you have the opportunity right now. Like applications opened. They opened the 15th.
Tommy: 41:34 I love that. And the reason why that's so powerful is because usually, you know, usually those words they just passed, they just filter through. And our language really is a mirror of our deeply held beliefs in our commitment. Right? And so like one of the things that I do in my group programs is, um, we have this thing that's called no weak language. So there's no try. There's no guessing. There's no, we'll see. There's no, maybe there's no trying to figure it out. There's no possibly there's no, I guess it's like, can we get a clear yes or clear no. And a clear commitment. And once that language does is what, it just empowers all of us and it gives us clarity and we get rid of assumptions and the space for resistance to come find us. You know, with things like, I'm going to try to do something.
Tommy: 42:20 No, I'm gonna try to launch that podcast. Will you already got one foot out? So the moment it gets hard if you're going to try, the moment that it gets hard for you, the moment that you do your first rehearsal and it's like you hate how it came out and it came sore and you're like, how am I ever going to turn this into something, you know, the first draft of this book? Like it was horrible, right? But if I was trying, if I wasn't committed, then I would've just given up and I said, I don't know how I'm going to turn this into something that people are going to connect with or I want to share with somebody listening out there. Right? Let's, let's get rid of that. Trying are so much more powerful than trying and you're so much more committed than, than possibly. And Sunday is an illusion. How about we step into that right now?
Ellyn: 43:04 That's, that's so powerful. I feel like after this, I'm going to be so cognizant of my language of the language I'm hearing my client's use of anybody. Cause I love that. No weak language. Oh, so good you. So you've given people so much in this episode today. If you had to leave people with one big takeaway, one big piece of advice so that they could really leap into their dreams. They can really, you know, get from and committed no weak language to what their next step is. To answer that question about what's next for them, what would you tell them?
Tommy: 43:40 Yes, I would actually give them a simple assignments and it would be too, and depends on when you're listening to this, but pull out a journal and take yourself to a year down the line a year down the line and you wake up in April or May of 2020 and it was the best year of your life. It was the year that you did that thing was the year that you've made that bold decision. It was the year that you put yourself on the line and you're going to identify what that bold decision was that led to that transformation. And then you're also, so again, living in that one year version of yourself, take yourself to that person, right? So you're going to identify what the bold decision was and don't try to figure out the how. This is not about that. This is give yourself permission to be big and bold like I want it to be audacious. It should scare you.
Ellyn: 44:24 Yeah - you should be embarrassed about telling people this thing.
Tommy: 44:26 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And then the second thing is looking, acting as if you've created that and accomplish that. What are some words of wisdom that you would give the prior to the today's version of yourself around that bowl? Does that decision and when you do that, we can use our innate wisdom that's inside, right? By using our imagination to bring it down to today and do something that's difficult today. Do something that's uncomfortable today, but know that our future version of ourselves, they're saying, you know what? You've got this, you're going to make it happen and here's how. And now would be an action step that I would give somebody new. If you do this with intention, because I've done this so many times, there's no way you can feel a little bit more confidence, a little bit more capable, a little bit more inspired about where you're going. Oh my
Ellyn: 45:14 God, I love it. I feel like I'm going to get off this call and a meeting down and yeah, obviously if you're listening to this in your car, please wait until you're parked at a desk. Like don't do that in your car. Please...
Tommy: 45:28 Do this with intention. So come back to night. Set the environment up. I always say with all this personal growth and action steps, the intention matters so much. Put on some music that's gonna Inspire you. Light a candle, whatever it is that you got to do, but actually take yourself mentally that place, the wisdom that you're going to give yourself in the clarity around the decision can be life changing if you let them.
Ellyn: 45:53 So good. And I have one like thing that you've done throughout this. This podcast today is telling people to tap into themselves like you have the wisdom and that's powerful. That in and of itself is, is a powerful takeaway because so often we're looking outside of us like, and I'm a, like, I'm a coach. Like, don't get me wrong, we're both coaches. Like we, we want to work with people, but realize that so much of what you need and so much of the wisdom and direction that you're looking outside of yourself defined, it's in you.
Tommy: 46:27 Exactly and us as coaches, what we do is we just facilitate that wisdom and come up with, with clarity and with breakthrough, and then put it into life and make sure that none of the bs gets in the way. The parts that aren't really asked the fears and the doubts and insecurities and all of that stuff that doesn't get in the way of that. And so that, that becomes a beautiful process. You know, for me, I always say, you know, I'm gonna facilitate the answers that you already have. Yeah. Right. But they're ultimately years. Why? Because you have to take ownership of them. Because if their mind and I, I give them to you and I just, I just given to you from me, that ain't come from you, then that's not real ownership. So I absolutely agree. We already have so much wisdom. Right. Let's, let's, uh, let's give ourselves permission to let that out.
Ellyn: 47:11 It's like coaching inception. Like we are, we are, you are giving yourself your own idea. Coaching inception.
Tommy: 47:17 Exactly. I love that.
Ellyn: 47:20 Oh, so good. Thank you so much for all of this stuff today. I've got a couple wrap up questions. Um, one is super, super straight forward. Um, but the first one is I love giving people, I'm obviously a big personal growth junkie. I love people giving people tools and, and my favorite books and stuff like that. So do you have any favorite books of the moment that you would highly recommend to people listening today? You probably have like a bajillion, but ...
Tommy: 47:46 I do! I do, I always get, and also I've been like, so swirled in this, in this book launch. Um, one of my favorites is a simple one, um, by Seth Goden. It's called the dip and his books are really short. They're like, you can read them in an afternoon, but the dip is about that. When the highest starting out starts to wear off. What do you do after that? And what are some of the mindsets and techniques they're going? What he says is like that you want to put yourself in a energy of being the best in the world. That what you do to get to the other side of the dip. Um, and it's just a really, for me, I read it like every quarter or so just to remind myself of what matters. So that's one of my favorites. Anything by Seth Godin is, is fantastic. Um, and uh, and there's so many other books, but I'll keep it simple.
Ellyn: 48:33 Okay. I like that. And I like that it's something that they can, they can read and absorb in a, in a short amount of time. I have a tendency to recommend long books. Sorry guys. I know. I love that. Okay. And then last but not least, uh, people are loving your vibe and your energy. I'm a where can people find you and then obviously this is an opportunity to shameless promotion for your book that you have coming out!
Tommy: 48:56 Love it, love it. So if any of this...
Ellyn: 48:57 It's out now! It's out NOW!
Tommy: 48:58 Yeah, out it's out. Yeah, a couple of weeks, not broke a few weeks now, but um, it's called the leap of your life. How to redefine risk, quit waiting for some day and live boldly and it's out. If any of this connected with you, I really jammed in 10 years of my experience, um, through my own transformation than helping others. Um, in one book and people are reading the intro and saying, Tommy, I'm in tears reading the intro. Tommy, I'm grasping the kindle so hard because it's making me emotional. It's creating urgency and that's what I wanted as a, as a writer. You never know how people are going to connect with stuff. But um, so that's at leap of your life.com and you can go to Amazon, Barnes and noble anywhere else. And if you love podcasts, which you do cause you're here just average academy podcast where we have deep conversations like this from all areas of life to really help you maximize your clarity. Great breakthroughs so you can apply that.
Ellyn: 49:44 I love it. Show notes. Everybody all link all of this for you. So it's super easy to find. Tommy, thank you so much for everything today. This was wonderful. Uh, all of the insight, all of the kernels of wisdom. I really, really appreciate it
Tommy: 49:58 Right back to you and just, you know, can this platform is you taking the leap and I'm very excited to see Tedx talk so I can't wait to see it.
Ellyn: 50:07 Cross my fingers!!
Ellyn: 50:08 OUTRO: Before you go, one last thing, I just want to say thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the growth tribe and thank you so much for your support. If you've been enjoying what you're hearing and you want to help me in all of our wonderful guests, get their message out, there are a few things you could do. You could send an episode that you really loved to, a friend that you really think would appreciate it. You could subscribe and give us a five star review on Itunes, or you could take a screenshot and posted on your Instagram or Facebook story. I love stories and I would love nothing more than the opportunity to shout you out and send you a massive thank you. Once again, thank you so much for listening and thank you for being a part of the growth tribe.