#25 - Taking Action & Making Moves in 2019 with Kacia Fitzgerald

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Ladies and gentleman…today’s quest is the quintessential woman of action, the queen of making moves…and so much more. I’m so pumped to welcome Kacia Fitzgerald. When I met her in 2014, she was just kicking off a new side hustle, living in NYC, supporting her boyfriend through dental school and just starting a job at Google. If that doesn’t sound badass enough, this girl took a good life and decided she wanted a GREAT one. She quit her job and kicked off what would become a 7-figure business mentoring women to take back their health and their life through online fitness coaching. In this episode, her and I are going to get ACTIONABLE on how you can set yourself up to not only take action in your new year but, as she says, to UNAPOLOGETICALLY make some MOVES! 

WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS PODCAST

Ummmm well, we talked about all the things, but here’s a little bit of a rundown for you guys! 

  • Enjoy the process. A couple tips and tricks for how you can learn to enjoy the process more, especially if you’re a 3 on the Enneagram personality test (like me and her boyfriend are!)

  • Listen to the voice that wants “more”. Both Kacia’s story and mine were spurred by the desire to have more. To not settle for good when you could have great and for both of us, we started off our search for more with health & fitness.

  • Pick ONE thing to focus. Ever since Kacia and I talked about this, I have been putting this into action in my life. Cuz too often, our epic to-do lists just overwhelm the hell out of us. So, instead of focusing on the to-do list, let’s all try to identify the one thing, the one place that we can focus our energy to start making moves as we kickoff the year.

  • Build your momentum. Once you’ve identified your one thing, be consistent with it! Consistently is going to build momentum, or add drops to your “confidence bucket” as Kacia calls it, and that confidence is going to help give you clarity!

  • Accountability & Asking For Support in the Right Way. Kacia’s business originated around the idea of having accountability in pursuing a healthier life, but accountability and support doesn’t stop there. We need it everywhere! Social support is huge in making changes in our lives. So, if you don’t have it create it by asking for support you need from the people in your life and bonus, telling them what that support looks like.

  • The Fallacy of Work-Life Balance and Why we Should STOP Striving for it. Our girl debunks why work-life balance is complete and utter bullshit and damn do I agree.

  • How to Seek Boundaries in your Life. How to create boundaries in your life by scheduling and doing something as simple as a weekly review. 

RESOURCES IN THIS EPISODE:

transcript…

Ellyn: Hey everybody and welcome back to the growth tribe podcast. I am pumped today to have somebody who I've known for a few. How long have we known each other now? Kacia? Five years?

Kacia: Yeah something like that. Yeah.

Ellyn: Yeah. I'm pumped to have this this girl on, I randomly reached out to her like a week ago and it was just like, will you do a spur of the moment podcast interview and she was game. I'm so pumped to have her. Kacia, welcome to the podcast.

Kacia: Thank you so much Ellyn. I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Ellyn: I love that we're both like we're so into personal growth and so into like all this like let's make take action in our lives and so can you just to lay some context, lay a little bit of a foundation, tell us a little bit about you, your story, your background and then we'll dive into action.

Kacia: Absolutely. So thank you again so much for having me. I'm super excited and I am all about taking action because I think there's a lot of us that feel really inspired or motivated, but we don't do anything with it. So this is going to be awesome. But for a little bit of backstory, um, I'll start five years ago and just kind of take you up to speed, but I'll do more high level. So five years ago I was working in downtown Seattle at a company where I was in it, project management and engineering recruiting and I was doing all the things on paper, right. I, you know, went to college, I got the job, I was moving up in my career, everything made sense on paper, but internally I was really unfulfilled. Um, and I didn't, I thought that there was something wrong with me because of the fact that I had all of the things that I thought that if I had those things, I would feel good.

Kacia: I, you know, like I said, I had the career and the trajectory. I had the income, I had the friends, I was living in downtown Seattle. I had the guy that eventually I'll marry, like all of these things that were like, check, check, check, check. But what's wrong with me? Why am I crying randomly? Why do I feel like I have this like gut feeling in my stomach that I want something more? But everybody else is like, Keisha, you should be so happy. You know, what do you, what else could you possibly need? So that being said, I was working in this corporate job that I really did love. I had managers that I really did love. But with that gut feeling that I wanted more, I decided that I would kind of start to work on something else in my life that was bugging me because I could not figure out what that more feeling was and how I could get more fulfilled and like a lot of us can probably connect with.

Kacia: I was happy. It's not that I was sad or depressed or my back was against the wall. I was actually happy and I had a really good life, but I knew that I wanted great, but I couldn't figure out what it was. So instead of changing career paths or like, you know, going out on a whim, doing something random, I decided to take control of my health and fitness because that's something that had always bugged me. Um, especially working in this job where I was overseeing a team that was in China while I was in Seattle. So there's a big time difference. I was working crazy hours really just trying to pour into my career. So instead of fixing everything, I decided I'm going to fix one thing that bugs me. And I ended up stumbling into joining an online virtual bootcamp, um, to work on my health and fitness schools and fell in love with that because it worked for me and I loved the community around it.

Kacia: Turns out that the thing that I started to fix, one thing that was bugging me, which was my health and fitness right, and kind of how I felt about myself, that actually was the catalyst that changed my career path. So fast forward a little bit. I ended up, um, building a coaching business and online coaching business around the health and fitness, partnering with a company called Beach Body. And I decided to build that on the side, became super obsessed with it, really decided to go all in. We moved from Seattle where I was living at the time. My boyfriend got into Nyu dental school. We moved to New York into a tiny little apartment that was like 10 times by in Seattle, in downtown New York City. I got my extra dream job right. I was working at Google at the time, which is a company that I'd wanted to work at for my entire life, but my heart was still with this coaching business that I was building on the side.

Kacia: Um, but it was really an extra challenge right then because I was already fighting that I had everything on paper, quote unquote had it all right. And then on top of that I was working at a company that I'd always wanted to work at with a higher salary in downtown New York City. But my heart still really was with this side business that I was building. So I worked really hard and built up a really large scale business with beach body and left the corporate world. And April of 2015 since then we, you know, I supported Seena and I, my boyfriend scene and I while he was at dental school and he wrapped up there, we decided I've got an online business, I can live anywhere, he can work anywhere and we packed up our stuff. Actually we packed up everything into a rental minivan and drove all the way across the country with our dog and moved to southern California...

Ellyn: With your bestie...

Kacia: Yes, my best friend Jackie who is the real MVP cause she can drive at night. But, um, so the three of us with our dog, my best friend Jackie, my boyfriend Seena and our dog and I drove all the way across the country and moved to southern California where now I still have my full time online coaching business. My boyfriend seen as now at dentists and I also just launched a podcast and I'm kind of in this weird stage of trying to figure it all out like so many of us are. So that's the backstory, Kinda run down.

Ellyn: It's so funny. I feel like I only started noting extending this recently, which is hilarious and ridiculous at the same time. How many parallels there are between our stories? I think probably the biggest difference is the fact that you are in a career that you really were like happy with and that you enjoy it. And I wasn't biggest difference, but the thing that started it for both of us was I need to take control of something for me because I know I want more. And that thing was health and fitness. So this is how location high originally know each other is through health. And fitness through Beachbody coaching because that's there. And can I just say, I need to say this just from the get go. I'm so grateful to you and Jackie both for making these crazy steps, these quote unquote crazy steps in your lives. Because without that I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now. I don't think if I hadn't been introduced to coaching through what you guys were doing, I don't think I ever would have even known that there was something different for me. So thank you for that. But I...

Kacia: Oh, thank you! I appreciate that...

Ellyn: I guess what I'm curious about too is, um, that you, so you took this step just to take control of your health and fitness. At what point did it become more, and what do you think were the most crucial pieces to you not only can you continuing along the health and fitness journey, but not giving up on the, this dream of more and not giving up on ultimately the love you had for coaching.

Kacia: Yeah. Oh, I love that question. Great question. So a couple of things is I was obsessed with the process and falling in love with the process rather than what the process produced in everything. Right? So I've been that way with health and fitness. I wasn't so obsessed with the end goal of I want to look this way. I was obsessed with, I want to feel good today and then the next day and then the next day. Right? And I think a lot of times we get so focused on the end goal that we forget about the process. And the same thing happened with my business where I was obsessed with making this fun for me to build this business. So I wasn't so focused on how can I turn this into a seven figure business, which it is now. I, I wasn't obsessed with that. I didn't even envision myself as the person that would know how to act in that capacity.

Kacia: So I knew that every single day that I showed up, I would be putting deposits in my confidence bucket and that it would become easier to show up for my workouts if I felt more confident. And it would become easier to show up for my fitness if I was more confident, sorry. And also my business. So I was really focused on the process. That's one thing. And to stay so consistent, I was really motivated by the, because of you, my life's changed if you know the love languages, I'm a words of affirmation and quality time person. Yeah. Which means like when I would hearing you even say like, thank you Keisha for doing this. Um, you know, it changed the course of my life. That's what fueled me. And what happened is I started to get messages like that and I was paralleling the fact that while I was really happy in my job and I was actually so grateful for the career path that I had, I wasn't getting messages like that at work.

Kacia: Right. I was helping software developers put code on firewalls. Like no one was like, Kacia, you changed my life. I mean, cyber security is a real thing. So there's that. But, but it didn't, it didn't change people's lives. So part of it was the fulfillment that I was getting. Part of it was falling in love with the process. And the last piece was I didn't see myself and my story represented as much as I thought it should be. So I decided to be the representation of it and I just really made a line in the sand when it clicked for me. When I, I saw, wait a second, I loved my job. I had sick a six figure income. I had the guy, I had the friends, but I wanted more. Why are there not more stories of people who are willing to give up good and go for great their version of that.

Kacia: And because I didn't it, I felt like if that is in me than I've got to go do it because someone else needs to see someone doing that and I'm going to be the person that does. And um, so that kept me in it, I think. But for someone listening that starting something new, the confidence deposits in your bucket of just showing up day after day after day, that's how it's going to be built. I would never have been able to speak on some of the stages that I've been or even do a podcast interview had I not been focused on the person I was becoming in pursuit of the goal rather than just the goal. Right.

Ellyn: Oh so many. So many things there that I feel like I could comment on. I actually want to almost come back to the fact that, and I feel like maybe this is the most important piece of your story that a lot of people who are listening now who are listening to this in the context of it's, it's new year's, let's, let's make some freaking changes in my life is you really listen to the voice that said I want more and I'm not going to settle for ... I'm going to, I'm going for great. I'm not settling for good. So if somebody is hearing your story, hearing this incredible journey that you've gone on, gone on that frankly you need to check out her podcast cause we're only scratching the fricking surface acacias story. Like if somebody has that voice in their head, what would you say to them to get started on this, on this process? What is going to be the thing that kicks off this process if they have that same voice in their head?

Kacia: Yes. So I think that inaction breeds fear and a lot of nasty stories that go on in our head, right? We sit in this like, what's the action step that I can take? We sit in this space for so long that we start to narrate this story that's like, well, I can't do this. And then throw in the fact that we live in a social media world now where you're scrolling, seen everyone's carefully curated content. You're comparing your behind the scenes and that crazy story in your head while you're sitting thinking that not taking action is you not having to take action but not taking action is inaction. Right? Which sounds like kind of twisted... Like tongue twister-y, but if you know the inaction breeds fear, I would encourage you to not try and renovate the entire house. Like think of your life as a house.

Kacia: Don't renovate the entire house. Pick one room first. Because I, you know, if you, if you're deciding to decorate your house and you're like, I have to get all of these things and your list is so, so long, you're not going to start, you're going to feel so overwhelmed. You're not going to take any steps, which means again, you're going to be in that inaction fear place and you're going to start telling yourself crazy stories and you might never start in the first place. Or you're going to be in this space where you feel like there's so much to do, you could never accomplish it. When in reality, take it back. Pick one thing that you want to focus on. It doesn't mean you can't have a million goals for 2019 but pick one thing that you're going to focus on first and let's master that and get some of those small wins, those competence deposits of, rather than deciding you're going to lose, you know, let's just say for sake 100 pounds in 2019 okay, well we're going to need to start with one, right?

Kacia: We're going to need to start with one workout each day and building that confidence because then you've got that confidence layer that when you're setting your next school or the next thing you want to accomplish in 2019 you can then look back at your old self and you can say, okay, a week ago I couldn't even do my workouts consistently, but now I've shown up five days last week. Like I know I can do this and build on that confidence and set yourself up for small wins. So to sum that up, pick one thing rather than renovating your entire house in one day. Otherwise you're not going to get anywhere.

Ellyn: Yeah, yeah. Amen. And I feel like that's what, that's what we both did and our stories was we picked the, yeah, cool. I have this grand vision for more in my life. Maybe I don't even know what the hell more is, but I know I want more. And this is one place where I can create more. And that was health and fitness for both us. So whatever it is for you who was listening, like pick the one thing and focus on that. And I think the other huge piece which you talked about just a second ago is the consistency piece. Like I like, you know me science, I can't shake Ellyn scientist. So like I still just research the shit out of things and I love reading about like how do we cultivate more discipline, how do we cultivate more motivation? And I cannot tell you how many freaking times I've read just the momentum. You've got to create momentum for yourself and that momentum, but you call it confidence deposits like that comes from giving yourself an easy win. And maybe that easy when like I liked using health and fitness as an example because we can all wrap our brains around it. So maybe that easy win for you is just getting up and moving. Like you don't have to do a freaking hit workout. You don't have to do, I don't care how you move, but maybe the wind for you is just getting up and moving. Maybe it's stretching, but give yourself the smallest when you can possibly give yourself. And the more you do that back to back to back to back, the more that's going to create momentum for you. And the bigger of a when you're going to be able to give yourself, you know, a month down the road, two months down the road, like consistency is so huge.

Kacia: And I think, um, one thing I want to plug here that could be a really good resource for someone is, and I'm sure you've read her book, I'm Mel Robbins, five second rule. I honestly think that such a good book for someone that's trying to develop any type of habit. Of course, health and fitness is great, but starting your day, she talks about the science behind something so simple of counting down five, four, three, two, one and jumping out of bed and launching yourself like a rocket. And I love it because it's so damn simple and you can apply it in the morning or you can apply it before you're going to make any type of decision around health and fitness. But read her book, Mel Robbins five second rule. So good

Ellyn: Love, love did I feel like we've already got, like we were talking about like what are actionable tips we can give people tip number one, if you hear the voice in your head saying I want more, fricken listen to it. Tip number two, you give yourself a like small focus on the one thing. Actually we've got three tips. Listen to the voice, you know, give yourself that focused on that one thing and then small wins. Focus on small wins to to like, yes, give yourself that momentum. So what would then tip number four B, you talked a lot about the process. I feel like that's probably where we focus next cause I totally agree. Like it has to be an enjoyable process. I used to like say all the time, like if you, if like you've got to make an enjoyable for yourself. If you want to be a morning person then give yourself shit in the morning that you enjoy. So what are some like little, little tricks that you've used to make the, you know, the process more enjoyable for yourself in terms of, you know, building your business or your fitness or whatever and what are, what are some ways in which people could make the process more enjoyable, even if it's like a mindset shift?

Kacia: Yeah. Ooh, okay. So one that I would recommend. So I love talking about this, but one tool I would recommend that I'm obsessed with my boyfriend Seena and I are obsessed with the Enneagram test. If you haven't taken it, it's a free test you can take online and um, it basically gives you a numerical value that kind of helps you understand yourself better based off this number that it gives you in the test. That was disturbingly accurate for both us and um, and it, and why I like it is because it gives you a tool to kind of reflect back on yourself and become more self aware of what you need to make the process more enjoyable for you. So I'm a seven on the Enneagram, which means I'm the enthusiast, which if you probably read the titles, you might be able to tell what you are, if you're self aware.

Kacia: And, and I knew right away I was like, I'm going to be the enthusiast. Just watch. I am, which means by nature I'm a little bit more focused on the actual process and making sure that it's fun and enjoyable than the end goal. So by nature, I have a little bit of that, but I want to talk to you through seen as lens because he's a three, which is the achiever. And I think a lot of people are achievers were Seena is much more focused on getting to the goal and accomplishing the goal and he can forget about the process. And so through his Lens, what we've worked on a lot is what are the small ways that we can make the tiny little things along the way more enjoyable. So whether that is adding in more opportunities to celebrate. And we talked about this a little bit with number three, but um, to celebrate for example, I like to write down things on a to do list that I've already done just so I can cross more things off for today.

Kacia: I showered, I worked out, I showered, I blow dried my hair. I would put all of those three things, those three things are going to be on my to do list when I map it out and I'm going to cross them all out for extra satisfaction, right? So like what can you do to make things more enjoyable? And that's what we talk about senior and I talk about often to where you're in your email for example. And what about if, because science and Brendon Burchard has done a lot of studies around this and tapped into a lot of studies with high performance habits, they'll know my brain can actually so good that your brain cannot only actually focus for 50, 5-0 minutes, on any particular task. So why not map out your day by time blocking to create more opportunities for celebration and to create that, um, that movement in your body throughout your day.

Kacia: Even if you stand up. I'm a big fan of dance parties. I know you are too, Ellyn.

Ellyn: Yeah. you got to insert the trampoline.

Kacia: I DO! Okay. So also, um, if you want to buy a mini trampoline, it's $30 on Amazon. Um, that is, has been a huge part of my day. Let's talk about that too. But basically to, to kind of make this a little bit more concise, number one, take your enneagram test and figure out what it is that actually motivates you to take action and then reverse engineer it. So if you are someone who's more focused on the end goal and you find it hard for you to find joy in the process by nature, like I said, just personality wise, that's not that difficult for me, partially because of just my makeup. Um, so I don't feel like that's beneficial to be like, well, it's just, it's just part of who I am.

Kacia: But the tangible advice is set your day up with time blocking to create more opportunities to celebrate and create more opportunities for a little bit of movement throughout your day. So if you do timer, when you're going through emails, 50 minutes, five zero going backwards, when that timer goes off, your productivity is already plummeting at 51 minutes anyways. So stand up, shake it out, move around. If you're in an office, do a dance party. That could be fun or go to the bathroom, go say hi to Sally in HR. I feel like there's always a Sally in HR. Go to the paper shredder or whatever it is, Sally sue. Um, I always say Sally sue because I don't know anyone named Sally Sue. So I feel like that just, you know, is never going to offend anyone. But if you are named Sally Sue, slide into Ellyn's DMs, not mine.

Kacia: Anyway, point is movement, celebration, um, create that process. And then if I were to add a step number five to this, I would say accountability. Um, and I don't, for me, obviously I've built my entire business around like virtual bootcamps and accountability for building my business and working on my fitness schools. But in general, having someone that knows what's important to you and why it's important to you that can remind you and reflect that back onto you when things get hard is so crucial. And even on the daily things, just telling someone that you're going to do something and wanting to show up for them because you said that you would, that extra layer of accountability towards any goals is so huge. So I would say step number five would be accountability.

Ellyn: And I have things to add to this as well. You're talking about like the time blocking as well. One of my favorite apps that I have on my phone, it's called Focus Keeper. Um, and you can set it so that it gives you a 50 minute time chunk and then after that 50 minute time chunk, it'll a bell ring and then it'll give you five minutes and it's like, this is your break time. So when that goes off for me, I will full on jump up and have a dance party. I've even in the middle of my work space as I've been on Remote Year, put on like the headphones, have my phone in my back pocket and just kind of like got up and started dancing around. But like that's what I do during my five minute breaks is I will, I will get up and dance or I don't have a trampoline but I want to get one get up and bounce on your trampoline or even just how to do air squats or like calf raises or something.

Ellyn: Just move. Um, that's, that would be my, my add on to like the time thing and also relative to accountability like Brendon Burchard come back to him. Uh, one of the first things I learned when I was doing his high performance coaching this past year was, um, they talked about the 10 factors that predict success and it was basically, he's very, very like, you know, measurement oriented and like, let's, let's score yourself in this way to figure out where you are so that we can get you to where you want to be. And I love that. You know, scientists brain just digs the analytical part of it. Um, but this particular system, social support was one of the 10 factors to predict success, to protect whether or not you're going to achieve a goal is do you have social support in achieving that? Like if you have accountability, I love these stats here, I've got some stats for your ass. Either you are 60% more likely to achieve a goal if you have somebody to be accountable to and you are 95% more likely to achieve a goal if you not only have somebody that you're accountable to, but you consistently meet up with that person to have them hold you accountable. Boom!

Kacia: I believe that. Yeah. I mean it's, it's the secret sauce of everything. And people wonder why they don't stay in motion will. Because when you have an off day, if it's only you that you're letting down, then it feels like it's easier, right? It's easier to just say, well, whatever, it doesn't matter, I'll just do it tomorrow. But when you've got random connections of people that are counting on you, you're going to show up. And for the people that are entrepreneurs, because I help a lot of people build side hustle businesses and even fulltime businesses, that if you don't create that, it's really difficult when you can't get fired for not showing up, right? Nobody's going to fire you if you're your own boss. So you almost have to create what you need versus you talk to someone who's in a corporate environment where if I didn't go to work at my job, someone's going to call me and ask where I am and I'm probably gonna get fired if I do that two days in a row.

Kacia: But if you're your own boss, no one's calling you to ask where you are. Nobody is going to fire you if you don't show up. You are in control of your destiny. So if you want to be successful like Ellyn, you know, like you just said, 60% of people are going to stick with something that they have accountability. Well you need to find out whether that's a mastermind, a coach, um, you know, people down the street from you, moms in your neighborhood, whatever your life entails, you've got to ask her that if you want to be successful long term.

Ellyn: And I feel like that's what you've got to ask for that. I liked the fact that you, that you phrased it that way because I feel like so often I'm so guilty of this. When I was pursuing something, I mean prior to starting with, with beach body, I didn't sanity by myself and I did it. And I'm very, very proud of the fact that I did it, but it was hard to do it and to show up just for me and to hold myself accountable and that way. So I feel like this is a big piece that maybe is underappreciated is you have to ask for help. Like if you are, and I feel like we're kind of starting to veer into a topic that I did really want to cover in this is that ultimately being proactive about creating systems, whatever, just being proactive about making sure that you are not the person that comes February, you've already given up on whatever big change you said you were going to make in your life, whatever that one thing is that you decided you were going to focus on.

Ellyn: Like being proactive about making sure you are setting yourself up for success so that you're not that person come February. And I think a big part of that is asking, asking for help. Even if that's asking for, you know, accountability from you know, your significant other or your best friend or whatever, like ask for it. Like I don't, I don't know what other stuff you would ask for, but I'm sure there's many other things. But yeah, asking for that accountability and asking for that help from other people is something I have struggled to do for my entire life. And once I asked, oh like joining a mastermind at the end of this year has been game changing. Joining, you know, accountability groups with beach body was game changing. It just makes it so much easier to know that you're not alone in your struggles and in your and in the days when you don't want to show up. Having somebody else remind you of why you wanted it in the first place.

Kacia: Yeah, and the other piece of that that I've found a lot more recently is it's easy to get frustrated if someone isn't supporting you, but we're forgetting that we didn't ask for their support too. They might not even know so significant other who's not supporting your business or your health and fitness journey or a friend or family member. If we are willing to own what we can own, we have to be responsible for what we say and what we do. We can't control what someone else thinks, but we are responsible for what we say. So if you have not had the conversation with your significant other or mom or sister or aunt or best friend or whatever about why what you're doing is important to you, but then you find yourself often getting frustrated by their lack of support, I'm going to say girlfriend, that's on you.

Kacia: That's your fault, right? How they're gonna react to you. You can't control that, but you can control if you told them that it's important or if you actually chose to ask for help. And I get that often with people that say, you know, my significant other doesn't support me in my business. Like we'll have you told him or her that it's important to you and explained why the real reason why this matters and why you would really appreciate their support. If you've done that, then you've done everything you can control. But if you haven't done that, sounds like you might need to have a conversation going into the new year, setting some new goals that does that, some boundaries for yourself and to create a healthy type of accountability. Right?

Ellyn: Yeah. I feel like I huge part about taking actions since that's been such to the theme today, a huge part of that is about taking responsibility. And I feel like, yes, this particular instance taking responsibility means communicating with the people in our lives. This is something that I've actually, and I remember you talked about this on your podcast the other day because when you said it, I was just like, dammit, she called me out because, I kept saying that, not relation to a significant other, but in relation to family supporting my business. And this is actually the really, really interesting thing that that I think is an added layer to this is I maybe, not in so many words, had felt like I had articulated to my family that I want your support in this, but I didn't articulate to them what support looked like. So to me, and it was like the Brene Brown in me as I keep saying like the story I'm telling myself, so my parents want me to, I'll create a life that and create a career that successful and that's supports me financially and all of these different ways.

Ellyn: And so a big part of them trying to support me in creating that was they've been, you know, tapping into all of their resources to find me a career that gives me that. But how I interpreted that was you're not supporting the business I'm creating. I never told my parents that your support and help in helping me create this is to support the coaching business. I never articulated that to them. And I feel like that's a big part of it is if you are going to ask for support, you have to articulate what support looks like. Does support look like you know them, them working out with you. Does that support look like them cheering you on when they see you've had a business victory? Like articulate to them what support looks like because they're not mind readers and just saying, I want your support, support may not show up in the way you want it. I feel like that's a huge missing girl. Yes.

Kacia: And, and then like the, the really difficult part is if they don't give it to you the way that you want it or at all, you have to continue anyway. Right? So because that's in you for a reason that you want to do this. So you're going to have to figure out how to get those people in your life that will support you and you can ask yourself, am I supporting other people the way that I would want them to support them? Am I teaching people how to treat me and my teaching people how to support me? And those follow up questions are so huge. Right. Um, you know, I think a perfect example is, you know, Ellen, you message me multiple like video messages about the podcast. And then when you asked me to be on your podcast, I was like, of course. And I would do it regardless, but it's also, it feels so right when you're like, I want to support you, you want to support me.

Kacia: That's what this whole thing is all about. That's what the personal development space is about. It's about being one of those come with me type of women rather than look at me type of women. Right. And that's to the core why you're doing a podcast. And I think it's just, it's so powerful. Random Tangent, but I just want to give you just some recognition for that because I think that's really huge and really powerful.

Ellyn: Ah, so good. So good. Okay, so we've talked about action steps people can take. We've talked about these, we've talked about being proactive from the, from the perspective of asking for what you need from the people in our lives. The one thing I want to, I think I want to touch on just to tie this up with a nice little bow, is obviously you can be proactive about asking for things for other people, but ultimately it's on us to create, you know, to create the change we want in our lives. Whatever that change may look like it's on us. So we've, we've talked about all of these different things that people can do, enjoy the process, focus on your one thing, et cetera. But what is the key ingredient to take responsibility for ourselves? I'm not articulating this well at all, but that we can do that is on us to be proactive and make sure we stay committed to the change that we say we want in this new year. Did that make any sense?

Kacia: Yeah absolutely! Yeah, I think the answer is actually in the question where we want to be proactive. We don't want to be reactive. So how can we not be reactive? We have to be having a plan. We have to have a plan that we can create what it feels like to be in our life with some tangible things. And so I am actually asked this so regularly about work life balance. And to be honest with you, I think it's like the stupidest thing ever because it's literally not attainable. Nobody has work life balance. I think that anyone that you look like that look at that you think has it all together, they have help or one thing they've decided to let drop a little bit. And that's okay because we're humans, we can't do it all. So if we want to take ownership and we want to be proactive, I think that we get to seek boundaries, building a life with boundaries rather than having a perfect harmonious balance. So how would I suggest that someone actually does that? To give them something concrete every single Sunday night? This has worked for me in my business and everything. Um, my boyfriend and I sit down. If you have a significant other, this is huge, or a roommate or someone that's, you know, living with you.

Kacia: If not, you can do this by herself. And I map out the week that I'm the owner of this week. So what can I control? And obviously some things will just not go your way, but if there's not boundaries in place for your life, you're going to feel really frustrated when someone oversteps. But they don't even know that there's a boundary in place. Like a boundary as a structure, right? Something that you've implemented into your life, but it's really easy to feel like someone else is running your life if you haven't created that structure for yourself. So Sunday nights we would sit down and map out, okay, what am I getting my workouts done? When am I working on my business? What am I doing? Xyz. So you look at your own life and your priorities as you're starting the new year. Some of the goals that you have, remember picking one most important goal to start with I think is crucial.

Kacia: And Map that out and block it off into your schedule. Like this is your real game plan and you have to show up because you have accountability, you have the support, whatever it is, but you own that schedule. Yeah, Yep. All of that. But you're creating boundaries. So you've got to ask yourself some of the questions, am I willing to say no? If it's not a hell yes, right? Yeah. Going to have to say no to some things because they're not in line with your priorities or goals. So when you're mapping out your week, if your priority is, I want to get my health and fitness in check in 2019 well guess what? You need to put that on your schedule. You need to block off the time that you're going to meal prep. You need to block off time that you're going to get your workouts done.

Kacia: You need to block off time that you're going to go grocery shopping, right? You need to block that on your calendar. Otherwise when life gets crazy, you never blocked it off proactively. So then you have to react by going through fast food by being like, Oh, I'll just skip it today and I'll do it tomorrow. And remember we're seeking consistency over time to build a business, to advance in our career, to do anything about our life, to give us that confidence. Absolutely. So if we're proactive about building out a game plan, I honestly think that is the most simple action step that I could give you is to sit down on Sunday nights before you start the week and take 20 minutes, 30 minutes to map out what are my social commitments. If you have kids who's taking the kids to the thing that they need to go to or what is required to keep those humans alive.

Kacia: Right?! We have to map that stuff out. I don't have any human, so like I don't know what's required to keep a human alive, but it's a lot I know. So is best as we can map out what we can control. Understanding that sometimes it won't go according to plan, but it definitely will not go according to the plan that you have in your head if it's not a good written down on paper. Right. Aim. So that be my biggest tip for any technical or any type of change that you want to make is, is mapping it out really simply.

Ellyn: Amen. And I'm right there with you. I've been doing that for years as well, like literally all the way cause it was so, it was such a necessity when I was in Grad school, but I want to like a say that even if you're not in a relationship, don't have small humans, you aren't orchestrating like a whole family here. Even if they should just a person trying to do life, right. Do this as well. Like this is huge for me and if it doesn't happen Sunday night, do it first thing Monday morning, but prioritize that at the beginning of your week and it makes everything so much better.

Ellyn: We've talked about Brendon Burchard a lot, so I'm just going to quote him one more time. He always says ambition sucks without a calendar. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. I always like one of the first things I will say to my clients and frankly one of the the checkins that I have with myself is if my goal, if my commitment, whatever, if it's not in my calendar, it's not real. It's just wishful thinking. And that's so freaking important. Even for the, the abstract commitments that you had if you are commitment is I want to be a better significant other. I want to, you know, get closer to my children or my wife or whatever. Put that in your calendar to like whatever the commitment is. However abstract or intangible you think it might be. Turn it into something actionable, like guarantee you anything can be turned into something actionable. And once you do that, put it in your calendar.

Kacia: Yes. So good. And I think one thing I would want to add this kind of a tangent, but talking about Brady Bouchard is if you, if you're not quite sure, if you have this feeling that Ellen and I have both felt at one point in our life that you have this gut feeling that you want something more or you want something different and you don't know what it is and so you don't know what your goal is and you feel stuck and then you're in this inaction state. I would say start with your health and fitness, not because you necessarily need to do that first, but because you're going to feel better and more confident, which confidence provides clarity and gives you more opportunities if you feel good. And Brendan Bouchard says that a power plant doesn't have energy, it creates energy, right? Or generates energy. I don't know.

Kacia: I don't want to quote him wrong. The concept is that which means if you need more energy to have more clarity, to decide what it is that you want to do with your life, start with your health and fitness. And that was what I did five years ago. I did not think, in fact, if you would've told me that this is what my life would look like now, I would have said you were actually bat shit crazy. I don't know if I can swear on here, but yeah, but I is. I is. I would've never guessed that the thing that I would end up doing would be around health and fitness because that wasn't my passion. The reason that I is because I didn't know what my thing was, so I figured, let me just start with something that is bothering me. It turned out that that turned into thousands of person, people being impacted by that decision of me starting that, but that wasn't why I started. I started selfishly because that bugged me and I needed more energy to go figure out what I wanted to do. So, and that's, you hear me when I say that it's worth starting with yourself and feeling your cut to the point of overflow so you can pour from the excess. Right. Um, so that would be my first tip of like, if you don't know what your goal is, start with that goal to just become a better, happier, healthier, more productive human.

Ellyn: Amen. I 1000% percent agree because if you don't have a lot of people think, well, my goal needs to become to figure out what more looks like. So I need to just try all the things to figure out what my thing is. I totally understand that logic, but you will come to a point where you don't have the energy to sustain that. So you've got a creative vitality first and then you'll be able to more fully and more presently engaged into dabbling in all the things to find out ultimately what your thing is. So huge, yet thousand percent agree with you. That beautiful. Well, I have two questions. I love to wrap up every interview with one of them you've kind of already touched on and the other one's a little just ties everything together. First tip is what one resource. You've already given a few in this and we've obviously both quoted printer Burchard like 80,000 times. What one research resource, maybe it's a book, a Ted talk or an online course or something. Would you, has really, really helped you whether it's create clarity in your journey or just create tremendous momentum that you would recommend to the listeners.

Kacia: I think a lot of people I've been surprised don't know that you can listen to books on audible, so you download the APP audible on your phone and there is so many books that you can listen to you because I think it's helpful to have anyone with whatever your personal goal is or anyone that is an expert or a subject matter expert in an area of your life that you want to improve on. You have access to these people. And I think there's something about hearing them like the audible form of media in your ear when you're going about your life. That makes that connection even stronger because a lot of times we don't have time to sit down and watch a youtube video or watch a documentary or physically read a book. Um, in our day and age, especially when life is crazy. So I would recommend audio version of podcasts or audible, um, and picking something that is based around what you want to fix right now or what you want to improve on right now.

Kacia: Um, I'm going to have to say honestly, Mel Robbins five second rule, like I mentioned prior, just because I think it, it encompasses a really simple way to take action on anything. And then after you've kind of developed that framework to create more energy for yourself and create a trigger for you to take action when you are in that inaction fear state, you can then build on that, right? Then you can pick, okay, well I want to grow my business. I want to learn about social media. I want to develop this in my relationships. I want to do x, Y, z. But I think we need a foundation first. So I'd recommend that book a million times over.

Ellyn: Wonderful. And for anybody who's just like, well, I don't even know what thing I want to learn more about. Literally you can probably Google books on clarity and you'll find a great resource that you can then listen to on audible. So don't think your lack of clarity is a reason why you can't use audible as a resource. All right, so last question. If people are just like, dude, this chick fired me the F up. I love her. How do I continue following her? Where do people find you?

Kacia: Thank you so much. This has been so much fun. Um, I want to just remind everyone because I think that I want to, I'll tell you, I'll answer your question. I also want to remind everyone with this made me think of is it is never going to be a lack of resources ever, right? It'll just be a lack of resourcefulness. And I think that's so powerful that we never have to say in this day and age that we don't know how to do something. Cause like you just said, Alan, you can type in clarity on audible and you can find people that have figured this out. So everything is figureoutable don't be the thing that's standing in your way and where you can find me. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just think it's, so I just think you nailed it with that and I just, you know, I can't hold back when I said it might be. My favorite platform is Instagram for sure. Um, so Keisha is Gerald on Instagram, same handle for, for Facebook as well. Um, and then I do have a podcast called empower her podcast, which you can search and we do talk a lot about action and getting out of your own damn way. So Instagram's my jam. I like dancing with my dog on Instagram to her.

Ellyn: Her Instagram is my favorite, but yeah, check out her podcast, check out her and all of the places and if you need a little, you know, health and fitness kick in the booty. She's got you there as well, so thank you so much!

Kacia: Thank you so much, girl! I appreciate you!

 
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