De-Stressing with “Third Places”
Today, let's dive into something that I touched on last week on Instagram and that's absolutely crucial for your well-being: finding your 'third place.'
What's a 'Third Place'?
A 'third place' is a concept that was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg. Here’s the idea: we should all have three places. Our first place is home, where you spend time with family and loved ones. Your second place is work, where you hustle and grind. But a third place? That's your sanctuary away from both. It’s the coffee shop down the street, the yoga studio where you find your zen, or the art class that lets your creativity flow. It's a place where you can just be you, without the roles and responsibilities that usually define your day.
Third places have tremendous benefits for us, too:
1. Mental Rejuvenation
Let's face it: being a solopreneur can feel like a 24/7 job. You’re not just wearing multiple hats; you're juggling them while riding a unicycle on a tightrope (isn’t that perfect visual?!)! It's exhausting, and if you're not careful, it can lead to burnout. Third place provides a mental break and a chance to step away and recharge your batteries. It's your mental oasis where you can unwind and reset.
2. Social Connection
Humans are inherently social beings. Even the most dedicated introverts need some form of social interaction to stay mentally healthy. Your third place may offer community—a group of like-minded individuals who share your interests and passions. Now, this social connection might not be direct. It might just be the people that you walk by and make eye contact with at a park, but that is still social connection. This social connection can be a lifeline, offering support, inspiration, and even a bit of fun.
3. Personal Growth
Your third place is where you can explore new interests, develop new skills, and grow as a person. It's where you can take risks and try new things without the pressure of performance or productivity. Personal growth and lifelong learning are essential for staying motivated and passionate about your main hustle. Now, I’ll admit, my third places often don’t fall into this category because, for me, a third place is not a place where I’m intentionally seeking out learning and growing, but it might be a place where I’m getting physical activity, and that still falls under personal growth to me.
4. Work-Life Balance
I still don’t love this phrase. It feels trendy, but it’s still true. A third place helps you draw a line between your professional and personal life. It’s where you can focus on you, your well-being, and your happiness—without guilt.
How to Find Your Third Place
These are all options and ways to find your third place. You may not do all of them and that’s a-okay. Just use these ideas as a place to get started.
Identify Your Interests: What activities or hobbies make you feel alive? What have you always wanted to try but never had the time for? Maybe you’re into hiking, want to join a run club, love art and want to start checking out museums. Hobbies provide respites from life and are a great way to build a third place.
Seek out relaxation. Maybe for you, it’s not about seeking out an interest, but more so seeking out an activity (or maybe even a place) that feels relaxing. For me, that’s always been how I’ve found my third place. I love to find a place, usually, nearby to where I live that just feels so relaxing and rejuvenating (hint hint—there’s usually a body of water nearby). I had a spot by a river in college that I would go to (and my favorite trail from Pullman to Moscow, ID). I had a spot by the river in graduate school. And—obviously, if you follow me on Instagram—my favorite walking spot at Point Ruston.
Explore Your Community: Look around your neighborhood or city. Are there places that offer the activities you’re interested in? Maybe there's a book club, a dance class, or a volunteer organization that catches your eye.
Make It a Habit: Incorporate your third place into your routine. Set aside time each week to visit your sanctuary and make it a non-negotiable part of your schedule.
Do online spaces count as third places?
Yes—and no.
The COVID pandemic really did throw a monkey wrench into our conventional 3rd places. That neighborhood bar that you loved to hang out at? Gone. If not temporarily clsoed, it may be gone for good. Our typical social circles? Isolated. Our favorite coffee shop? Nope. And, for many people that at least had two primary places—work and home—they lost even that.
The pandemic changed society immeasurably, but what it also did is really show us how building and maintaining relationships online is so damn possible. Challenging? Yes. Not the same? Maybe. But definitely possible.
If nothing else is available, such as in a situation like COVID, a virtual community does give you benefits. However, it’s just not as good as what you get from an in-person third place. And for most people who actually do this work, they don’t count online communities as a “third place” because it, essentially fundamentally goes against the whole point of a third place: to provide direct or indirect social interaction through small talk or activities and be surrounded by people with similar interests.
“Third places” are essentially meant to combat loneliness and disconnection, which are increasingly a problem in our society.
Finding FREE Third Places
One of the caveats and challenges of third places is that they often require us to spend money. Think about coffee shops. Only customers are allowed to take up space in these institutions and considering how often these coffee purchases are weaponized against Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z by Baby Boomers as “frivolous spending” that explains our dire financial situations (utter bullshit, by the way), we’re not super inclined to spend our afternoons there anymore.
It’s hard when the many things that we want to go do and the places we want to spend time have a cost. One article I read, the author said, “when I try to think of a place that I can go to spend time off-campus that is not my home, … I draw a blank.”
Well, let me help you with that because, frankly, I don’t think it’s as hard as people think:
Libraries
Parks
Hiking or Birding
Paddleboarding or Kayaking (if you already have the equipment—obviously)
Going to a mall (the temptation is there, but you can be there without buying anything)
Free days at Museums
Botanical Gardens or similar
Starbucks—This is actually confirmed by Starbucks employees. When they are on-boarded, they are told that customers don’t have to buy anything to sit in the cafe, so long as they’re being peaceful and polite.
Farmers Markets
Local College campuses (except if you go to school there—in which case, this is NOT a third place!)
Finding your third place isn't just about adding another item to your to-do list. It's about reclaiming a space for yourself in the midst of your busy life. It's about nurturing your well-being so you can continue to thrive in both your personal and professional endeavors.
So, high-achievers, what's your third place? If you haven't found it yet, now is the perfect time to start exploring. Your well-being—and your business—will thank you for it.
