How to make saying “no” easier
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Ohhhh everyone’s favorite topic: boundaries and saying no! It’s one of those things that we know we need to do, but at the same, that we often struggle with. And I get it! Saying no can be difficult, especially when we want to please others or avoid conflict. However, always saying yes can lead to feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. The desire to "help people" or the desire to "make your mark" or "stand out" are all motivators for doing too much. This in and of itself can burn you out.
But, you know what I think is important to remember? People-pleasing only means you have less of yourself to give. It puts the people you're trying to serve in a bind because they're not getting the best of you.
In this blog post, we will discuss ways to make saying no easier, provide alternative options to saying no outright, and explore why saying no can feel so hard. Sooo, let’s get into it!
Why Saying No Feels So Hard
One word: guilt! Many of us struggle with saying no, precisely because it can be interpreted as a form of rejection or a way of letting others down. A lot of us are natural helpers and/or our upbringing has groomed us to be people pleasers. It's not uncommon to feel that saying no might harm our relationships or make us appear selfish. I actually think the scariest part about setting the boundary isn’t the boundary itself. It’s how people will react to the boundary that we’re setting, right? What if I piss them off?
Furthermore, societal pressures to always be productive and available often lead us to feel guilty about taking time for ourselves. Nevertheless, it's crucial to keep in mind that saying no is a powerful form of self-care, as it affirms our boundaries and helps us prioritize our mental and emotional well-being. By setting limits, we give ourselves the chance to pause, reflect, and recharge our batteries, ultimately becoming more effective and compassionate in our relationships with others. And compassion is the end-all-be-all of burnout recovery…
Things to Say Instead of "No"
It might be silly to think about, but I actually think the best way to make saying “no” easier is to, well, NOT say “no.”
When faced with a situation where we need to decline an offer or request, it can be challenging to do so without feeling guilty or confrontational. The good news is that there are alternative phrases we can use instead of outright saying "no." These phrases not only help us preserve our boundaries but also soften the blow toward the person on the receiving end of the boundary, allowing us to be polite and respectful in our communication. Here are some examples:
"I would love to help, but I am not able to right now." This phrase acknowledges the request and shows appreciation for being considered, while also indicating that we are currently unable to commit.
"I appreciate the offer, but I am unable to commit at this time." Similar to the previous example, this phrase expresses gratitude for the offer while still setting clear boundaries.
"Let me think about it and get back to you." I love this option. Sometimes we want to say no, but we don’t want to come off to blunt or harsh with an outright rejection. Plus, sometimes we just need to gather ourselves before we say “no”. This phrase buys us some time to consider the request and make a decision. It also shows that we value the request and want to give it the proper attention it deserves.
"I am currently prioritizing other commitments, but thank you for thinking of me." This phrase is a great way to decline an offer or request while still expressing gratitude for being considered. It also shows that we have other priorities at the moment and cannot commit to the request.
“I am happy to take this on but will need to reprioritize some of my other commitments to do so. Can you help me do so?” This is great for a work context. Sometimes we’re assigned tasks that we can’t say no to, but we also realize that we don’t have the time or bandwidth to do this new thing along with everything else we have on our plates. Instead of begrudgingly taking on the new assignment, acknowledge your limitations and your need to shift your priorities with your superior. This lets them know that you have too much on your plate without coming across like a child stomping their feet because they have too many chores. Plus, it has the added bonus of ensuring that whatever order you re-prioritize in fits the priorities of your company.
By using these alternative phrases, we can communicate our boundaries effectively while preserving our relationships and avoiding unnecessary conflicts.
How to Make Saying “No” Easier
Everything we’ve discussed her are great alternatives for saying no, but sometimes building up to even saying these things can be really really challenging right. So, here’s my biggest tip when it comes to that: build up to your biggest “no.” Start with easy and maybe even passive options like “out-of-office” responders, email signatures, etc.
You may have seen if you’ve ever emailed me that I have a note below my email signature about when I’m available to check email. It reads, “I do not check email after 7pm PST or on weekends because couldn’t we all be a little bit more disconnected?” And honestly? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten praised on that.
Once you’ve started setting those more passive boundaries, you can continue building up. Often the hardest boundaries to set are with friends and loved ones. It’s the textbook, age-old guilt trip of a parent or a grandparent saying, “Well, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around, you know…”. Thanks grandma. Now I feel like an asshole. So, I recommend starting with the easier, least impactful relationships. I’ll be honest, I’m pretty quick to block, mute, and unfollow on social media. I have no qualms about setting boundaries in my day job, especially with my boss and coworkers. I’ll admit, it’s harder with my clients because not only is that my livelihood, but because I develop such an attachment and caring for their outcomes and what’s going on in their lives, you know? But, family and friends. That’s hard. It’s hard as hell. So, build up to it…
So, in a nutshell, saying “no” can be challenging, but it is an important skill to have in order to maintain a healthy work-life balance and protect our well-being. Instead of feeling guilty or worried about disappointing others, try using one of the alternative phrases mentioned in this blog post. Remember that setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care is essential for our mental and emotional health.
So, that’s it!
I hope this gave you some ideas for how to set boundaries without saying “no”,
how to make the “no” easier, and more!
Do you have anything to add?
Drop a comment below…
