How I’m Bouncing Back from a Disappointment

Listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

I’ll tell you right now—this wasn’t the “plan” for today…

I planned to talk about how to stay sane during busy seasons today, but life had other plans.

It all started in early May when I got an email from a freelance writer at the New York Times. Yep, you read that right—the freaking New York Times!

They wanted to interview me about the differences between a burnout coach and a life coach. I was over the moon! It felt like a huge milestone for my business. After confirming it was legit, I rearranged my schedule for the interview. We talked for almost two hours about my work, my clients, and my perspectives on coaching.

Then, radio silence.

For about a month and a half, I heard nothing. I started to think maybe the article got scrapped. But then, in mid-June, the writer got back to me with follow-up questions from her editor. Another 90-minute chat ensued, diving even deeper into the topic. She also wanted to speak to some of my clients, which they graciously agreed to.

A few more weeks passed with no updates, and finally, I got an email saying the article would be published the next day. I was a bundle of nerves and excitement. I couldn't wait to see my name in the New York Times…but there was also a part of me that didn’t feel good.

It’s like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was waiting for the “it’s too good to be true” to come to fruition. I was trying to be optimistic, but there was some part of me that was afraid of where this whole experience was going to end up.

The next day, the article came out, and, well, my concerns were valid.

My excitement quickly turned to disappointment. After hours of conversation, after sharing my clients with this writer, my name was only mentioned in the first paragraph and none of my quotes made it in.

Worse, the article portrayed those coaches who have chosen to specialize in burnout in a not-so-great light. It was heartbreaking. My client, who was quoted, felt misrepresented, adding to my frustration. “She dismissed what you did for me,” she said.

I felt crushed and unmotivated, and it threw me off for the rest of the week. I struggled to focus. I struggled to muster energy. It had already been a bit of a rough patch in my business and I’d just injured my knee the day before. It wasn’t good.

So, how did I bounce back? What did I do to get over it? Here's what helped me:

1. Letting It Out: I am not the type of person who can just “distract myself” through situations. I have to feel it. I have to borderline wallow in it. I watched sad movies and listened to emotional songs to help me cry and release my feelings. Crying can be a huge relief and helps process stress and I love me a good cry.

2. Journaling: I wrote down everything I was feeling. I’m a written processor. I get through my emotions by writing it out. It was a great way to vent and gain some clarity.

3. Moving My Body: Even though I was recovering from an injury, I went for walks. Lots and lots of walks. I’ve always been big on the power of physical activity and movement to process our stress and in this case, once I processed the emotions, I needed to process the stress I was caring. Physical activity really helped me process my emotions.

4. Avoiding Distractions: Though I did this unintentionally, I realize now that I really didn’t distract myself much with social media or reality TV. It was more about self-care. The last thing I really needed was numbing, so I’m glad that this wasn’t my response.

5. Seeking Support: I shared the article with close friends and family. Some shared my disappointment, but the reason I did was because I needed the perspectives of others to help me realize that it wasn’t as bad as I thought and to help me see the positives…

Misaligned Expectations…

Looking back, I realized my expectations had a lot to do with my disappointment. I had built up the article in my mind, something that I’ve done in many situations before. As a result, I set myself up for a letdown.

I think expectations are tricky that way. Yes, they keep us from lowering our standards, but I think they also leave us feeling ungrateful for what we do get from the situation. I could be dating a perfectly wonderful human, but if I have an expectation of them that’s astronomical, they’re never going to live up to it.

That’s what I think I did here.

So, I had to shift to intentionally looking for the positives. As a result, I saw the experience differently. My name was still in the first paragraph of a New York Times article on burnout coaches and, as my mom lovingly said, “Some people don’t read past the first paragraph.”

Plus, whether or not the article had a negative tone, if it did anything it highlighted the need for burnout coaches. The work I do is important. People need support and they’re not getting it from their doctors and therapists.

Dealing with disappointment means processing your emotions, seeking support, and finding the silver linings.

But, perhaps more importantly, we have to acknowledge and validate our feelings instead of pushing them down. Unprocessed emotions can lead to burnout. By leaning into our emotions and finding lessons in our experiences, we can navigate setbacks and come out stronger.

I hope this resonates with you and offers some comfort or strategies for dealing with your own disappointments. Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to feel what you're feeling.