Do You Feel Like You Suck at Mindfulness?

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Do you feel like you suck at mindfulness? I do…

what’s been going on lately…

If you’d asked me a year ago, I probably wouldn’t have resonated with this question. But, right now? I absolutely do. I feel like, for the last several months, I have absolutely sucked at mindfulness. I have absolutely sucked at presence.

I had this epiphany a couple days ago while I was walking: I’m not as mindful as I used to be. Truthfully, I have been sucking at mindfulness lately. Most days in my work, in my self-care practices, and - I hate to say it - in my relationships, I haven’t felt very mindful. And, frankly, mindfulness has felt downright hard. What I’d gotten so good at these last several years - having this very powerful mindfulness practices that I was doing day-in and day-out and week-in and week-out - I wasn’t doing anymore. And if I was, I wasn’t as attuned anymore. I wasn’t putting in 100%.

I’ve felt distracted. I’ve felt impulsive. And I constantly found my mind thinking about something else…

So many of us struggle with this feeling. Whether you’re just struggling right now or you’ve always struggled with this, one of the biggest things I know we struggle with when it comes to the notion of meditating is the difficulty of turning your brain off. And when that’s what you believe meditation to be and you struggle with that, it makes it hard to want to spend time meditating because it feels like you’re fighting a losing battle.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that struggles to do something if I don’t feel good at it. If something doesn’t come naturally to me, it’s harder for me to sit down to do it.

It makes sense actually. It’s actually one of the steps of flow: we have to feel like, in some sense, we’re successful. Mindfulness practices sometimes don’t feel that way for us.

but what exactly is mindfulness & why do we need it…?

But what exactly is mindfulness? It's the practice of being present in the moment, without judgment or distraction. But, I like to think about mindfulness from a self-compassion perspective. From a self-compassion perspective, it’s about awareness of and appreciation for our experiences and emotions without exaggeration and overidentification. This means paying attention to our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, as well as the world around us. And this is so important for stress management because, by doing so and by being mindful and present, we can identify our stress triggers and take steps to manage them.

why do we struggle? well, this is why I’ve been struggling…

Lately, I’ve been struggling with this. There have been rare moments recently where I’ve actually felt like my head and my heart are focused on the task at hand. Making content and the client work I’ve been doing recently are some of the only times recently where I’ve felt completely focused and locked in on the task at hand. Where there hasn’t been something distracting me off to the side.

It’s been…humbling. It’s been humbling because I thought I had this figured out, but I clearly don’t. I had a locked-in meditation practice. I had a locked-in journaling practice. But, I don’t anymore. I have been half-assing—full transparency—my meditation practice and I have been hardly journaling at all. And I think that speaks to the importance of consistency….

And here’s why I think that is: I’ve had these continuous, long-term distractions in the background that just aren’t going away. The analogy I keep thinking of is when you pull a thread and you expect it to be just a short thread, but it’s not. It’s a thread that just keeps pulling and pulling…and pulling. It’s this infinite thread that you know you should just ignore and stop pulling…but you keep pulling.

so, what am I doing to get back on track with my own mindfulness?

Getting out in nature: Now that the weather is improving in the Seattle area, speaking time outside is something I’ve been doing some a lot more of. Spending time in nature has been shown to reduce stress and improve overall well-being—duh—but I want to emphasize it doesn’t have to be fancy. It can be a mindful moment. Sure, going for a hike or taking a swim in the ocean is great, but so is simply sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine. It’s about creating mindful moments in nature so that we can feel more grounded and connected. So try to make time for nature in your daily life, even if it's just for a few minutes.

More silent walks: This is obviously another form of getting out in nature, but what’s so beneficial for me about walking is that it clears my mind and helps me be more present. It could be focusing on the sights, sounds, and smells of my surroundings. Noticing the way the leaves rustle in the wind, or the way the sun shines through the trees or reflects off the water.

REAL Meditation: When I first wrote this (using AI—I’ll admit it), the AI tried to turn this step into a fricken acronym. Oh no. When I say “real meditation,” I mean not half-assing my meditation. Not doing what I’ve been doing lately, which is meditating in bed or while laying on the couch because 2 minutes into my meditation, I fall asleep and still counting that as checking the box on meditation. Nope. Not doing that anymore. I’m going to make my meditations more intentional!

Journaling: Writing down our thoughts and feelings can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and self-awareness. It used to be something I was so good at. It used to be something that I did damn near every day, and…I don’t anymore! And I miss it. I need it. It's a way I processed my emotions, my experiences, and my life… and I want to change this. I want to get back into this because I need it. And I know I’ve been missing it.

So, that’s it!

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