Why You’re Always Exhausted
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I think it’s safe to say...
we all know what it’s like to be exhausted
That feeling where—seemingly—no matter how much we sleep or how much “rest” we get, we’re tired. So tired. Tired doesn’t even explain the level of exhaustion we feel, am I right?
That kind of exhaustion that even after 8 hours of sleep, you wake up and it’s like a mental hangover. You’re mentally foggy. You’re dragging. Your body feels sluggish, sore, tense, and—well—tired. And it’s frustrating as hell, isn’t it? No matter what you do, no matter what your understanding of self-care is, nothing seems to cut it.
That’s the kind of exhaustion we’re talking about.
And I didn’t really understand the reason why this happened. Why it happened to me or why it happened to my clients. And then, I stumbled across the work of Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith and her book Sacred Rest where she describes 7—that’s right, 7—types of rest! Prepare to get your mind blown, my friends…
So, let’s do this!
The 7 Types of Rest
In August, I was bouncing back from an exhausting month. In knew it would be. It was a month that demanded a lot of me in my day job, my business, my personal life, and my social life. August was absolutely insane.
But, September? September would be relaxing. September would have a much lighter load. September wouldn’t demand so much of me and I would be able to recover easily. And yet, in so many ways September was just as exhausting—if not more so—than August was. And I couldn’t figure out why.
So, what do we all do in situations like this? Well, if you’re an Enneagram 3 and/or a former scientist like I am, you research the shit out of it. You jump on your computer and ask Dr. Google for help. Dr. Google has all the answers, and—once again—Dr. Google did.
It was in this research that I found a podcast and it was in that podcast that I first heard of these 7 different types of rest and where I was introduced to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith and her book Sacred Rest. And you best believe that I bought and read the book as soon as possible after that.
And in digging into this book, it became so abundantly apparent to me while I hadn’t been able to recover come August. Hell, why I so rarely felt as energized as it made sense for me to be. So, let’s dive into this because I know you’re chomping at the bit as much as I was to figure this shit out for yourself…
The 7 Types of Rest:
Physical Rest
Mental Rest
Creative Rest
Emotional Rest
Sensory Rest
Social Rest
Spiritual Rest
I bet your wheels are turning already, huh? Even just seeing the list without any certainty of what they mean or what each entails, I bet you already have some thought as to which types you’re needing. I know I did! And it’s so stinking helpful because just life the 4 types of burnout or the 5 types of self-care—which I will be writing about soon—knowing which types you’re missing is crucial to filling that gap.
So, let’s take a look into what each of these entails. They might seem obvious or self-explanatory, but we’ll go ahead and go through these anyway as well as give you some tangible, actionable advice for how you might incorporate these into your without them becoming overwhelming or feeling like just another to-do list item…
01
Physical Rest
Physical rest is perhaps the most obvious, but even this type of rest had some interesting nuance to it. For example, Dr. Dalton-Smith noted that there are actually two forms of physical rest: active and passive. Passive rest is not something that we’re in control of, but that puts your body into a state of recovery and rejuvenation. Yes, here we’re talking about sleeping and napping. And despite how many of us think about sleep, it’s not an option and we need to ensure that our sleep is quality. I’ve written about this before and I would recommend checking out this post.
The other form of physical rest is—quite obviously—active rest includes things that I would classify as “active recovery” when it comes to our physical bodies. Things like stretching, breathwork, massage, yoga, massage, etc.
You might need physical rest if:
You find that your physical body is stiff, sore, and you’re struggling with injuries or a lack of recovery after a workout OR if you find that your sleep patterns are significantly off.
Examples of how to physically rest:
Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night as best you can
Schedule a monthly massage (I used to do this and damn should I get back to it!)
Spend at least one day a week doing yoga and stretching instead of a work
Stretch each night before you go to bed—or each morning
Take a hot bath at least once a week
02
Emotional Rest
Emotional rest refers to giving yourself a safe, non-judgmental space to deal with and manage your negative emotions. For most of us, we’ve been encouraged to shove down and hide our emotions. As women, we’re supposed to be kind, friendly, and smiling. God forbid we feel anger or sadness. In certain professions, our emotions are a distraction and we need to shove them down so that they don’t get in the way. Emotional rest is about releasing the pressure and unstoppering the emotions we keep bottled up so tightly.
You might need emotional rest if:
You’ve been trained and encouraged to shelve your emotions or identify as a people-pleaser and say yes to everything. This is particularly the case if you’re in helping profession and do work that is emotionally charged and draining (ex: nurses, social workers, teachers, coaches/therapists, etc.)
Examples of how to emotionally rest:
Journaling consistently, whether in the morning or at night, to give yourself a safe space to emotionally unwind
Therapy and speaking with a therapist
A healthy vent session with a friend, because—like Brene Brown says—it’s okay to piss and moan, just do it with perspective.
03
Mental Rest
We use our brains throughout much of the day. If we’re not problem-solving at work, we’re wading through and absorbing constant inputs and information. It’s been said that we receive 74 GB of information each day—and if that doesn’t paint a picture as to why we need mental rest, then I don’t know what does.
You might need mental rest if:
If you feel overwhelmed by the information you’re receiving or like you can’t come up with your to-do list. You don’t trust yourself to not make mental mistakes. You have brain fog. You’re still tired after 7-8 hours of sleep. You lie awake at night and your head is flooded with thoughts.
Examples of how to mentally rest:
Give yourself a time of day where you’re doing activities that have a low mental requirement
Meditate. Not only is this great mental space in your day, and it trains your brain to be less reactive to your thoughts.
Do “numbing” activities selectively. I think there’s a place for activities that might feel or seem like numbing: watching a movie or a good TV show, reading a fiction novel, etc. These activities are a mental break that—frankly—you probably already do.
Have quiet time and technology breaks building into your day
04
Social Rest
Social rest is—quite simply—giving yourself a rest from the people in your life. It’s giving yourself a break from social obligation.
You might need social rest if:
You feel alone or detached despite the time you’re spending with people within your social circle. You isolate yourself or you prefer online relationships over in-person ones.
Examples of how to socially rest:
Know your personality. If you’re an introvert, you’re going to require more social rest than an extrovert might.
Self-awareness. Knowing what you need is crucial here, and that’s a big difference than—perhaps—what people might ask of you.
Schedule a “me day” or take yourself on a “solo date” to prioritize yourself and not others.
05
Spiritual Rest
This is the one where I perhaps diverge most from what Dr. Dalton-Smith believes to be spiritual rest. Smith is highly religious and her perspective on spiritual rest has to do with connection to God and experience God in all things.
But, what about those of us who aren’t religious? Does spiritual self-care not have a place in our lives? Smith might argue that it does not, but I don’t know that I agree.
You might need spiritual rest if:
You feel lost or disconnected from God/your higher power or from yourself. Smith also says that you might need spiritual rest if you have decreased satisfaction or a sense of accomplishment, you feel helpless, hopeless, or trapped, or you’re lacking motivation.
Examples of how to spiritually rest:
Explore your relationship.
If it’s with God, then perhaps your relationship is explored through prayer or through reading the Bible.
If it’s about your relationship with yourself, perhaps your relationship is explored through meditation or journaling.
06
Sensory Rest
This is one of the ones that I immediately found myself saying “ohhhh I need this!” Sensory rest is exactly how it sounds: it is giving your senses a break. We’re inundated each and every day with notifications, screens, sounds, etc. There’s little in our word that is truly quiet and peaceful. That’s why sensory rest is so crucial.
You might need sensory rest if:
You spend lots of time in front of screens or experiencing noisy environments, have adverse reactions to loud sounds, sensitivity to light, blurry vision or eye pressure, find yourself getting headaches, eye fatigue or strain, etc.
Examples of how to get sensory rest:
Unplug. Prioritizing times for a digital detox and do so consistently
Spend time in quiet by either going out in nature to a place without cell reception, meditating, OR driving without the radio playing
Meditation to get used to quiet, still time
Wear blue blockers while you work to cut down on eye strain
Spend time decompressing in a quiet, dark room in between work and the start of your social evening
07
Creative Rest
Creative rest is something you’ll need if you spend a lot of time creating, and creating doesn’t mean like “arts and crafts". That’s often what we think of when we think of creation, but problem-solving, brainstorming, marketing, pitching, and having to switch gears frequently and quickly also require creativity.
You might need creative rest if:
You often focus on others rather than yourself. You don’t believe you deserve self-care and you feel selfish or guilty for doing things for yourself. You struggle to switch from work mode to “joy” mode, or enjoy things in nature
Examples of how to get creative rest:
Build respites and breaks into your life
Spend time in nature as frequently as you can (this is my favorite)
Work with your natural rhythms
How to Make Sure You Rest All 7 Ways?
don’t try to do everything at once…
If you’ve taken my Burnout Quiz, you know that the reason why I created that quiz is to give a place to start when it comes to your burnout. Because—despite their being 4 different types of burnout—you need a place to start because not all burnout is created equal.
It’s the same thing with rest. It likely will be overwhelming and more exhausting than it’s worth to try to incorporate 7 types of rest into your life at this moment. Heck, that’s often what I see people do wrong even when it comes to their goals: they spread themselves too thin. So, when it comes to your rest—in the same way as burnout as a whole—we have to prioritize to avoid overwhelming ourselves.
So, my recommendation is actually not to fit in all 7 types of rest. That’s not what this is about. Instead, it’s about having the self-awareness to look at your life and ask yourself which of these types of rest you need most.
The best path forward is likely to pick the 2-3 types of rest you feel—based on your observations and understanding of yourself—that you need most right now. Prioritize those. Focus on incorporating those and that will help you to ditch your burnout, overcome your exhaustion, and find your balance.
If you enjoyed this post, tune into episode 009 of Burned Out to Badass for more on this topic:
