#126 - Burnout is a CHOICE (& Why That's a Better Mindset to Have)

Summary

Today on the podcast, I’m going to be talking about something that very possibly might piss you off: burnout is a choice. This is something I firmly believe in and, though I know it might put you on the defense, I’m going to explain why I think this is a better mindset to adopt.

For show notes, head to coachellyn.com/podcast and, of course, if you have any questions or want to connect, head on over to @coachellyn on Instagram.

ACTION STEPS:

• Burnout is a choice. You’re burning yourself out.

  • Why do I like this so much? Because it’s more empowering. Because then our burnout isn't just happening to us.

  • Yes, there may be aspects of our burnout that we're not choosing.

    • Nurses and heathcare workers certainly didn't choose the burnout that came with the pandemic.

    • Those aren't the choices I'm talking about. I'm talking about:

      • The corporate hustler who says yes to the extra project she doesn't have time for OR the social commitment that she doesn't actually want to go to

      • The business owner that says yes to the meeting that isn't in their contract or the client that, even before starting working together, is already stressing them out and throwing up red flags

      • The high-achiever who expects perfection in all facets of their life and leaves no room for rest. Who is constantly rushing from work commitment to side hustle to 2 hour training session at the gym, etc.

      • Use this episode as a call out to bring this to your awareness and then evaluate what sources of burnout are you choosing AND how can you choose differently.

RESOURCES IN THIS EPISODE:

• My Take Back Your Life PREMIUM Membership - here

Transcript for this episode

(00:08):

Hey there, friend. And welcome back to the take back your damn life podcast. Ellyn here, coming at you with a really another really punchy episode that really gets to the meat of some of the things that we're struggling with.

(01:02):

So last time we talked all about how balance is bullshit, especially the conventional ways that we think about balance. And today's episode is another mindset shift for you all around how we think of burnout. Now today's episode might piss you off a little bit. Some of the claims I'm going to make in this episode really might fire you up. And I'm just going to come out right now and say that. And actually, I'm just going to come out right now and say what I'm going to say. And that is burnout is a choice. You're choosing your burnout. And I know there's going to be a lot of people that get really, really fired up when they hear that. And I know how controversial it is to say that, but I believe it. I believe it to my very core that, for the majority of us, we are choosing our burnout.

(01:59):

Now I'm going to encourage you as you listen to this - and actually, I'm just going to say this right now. The reason I believe this is this, I think often we think about burnout as "I am burned out". But if you kind of change your perspective and say, "I am burning myself out", it's a much more empowering way to think about burnout, because then our burnout, isn't just happening to us. We have some agency over whether that burnout is something that's in our life. That's why burnout is a choice has become kind of a catchphrase. For me, it's become something that I very strongly believe in because I think it's so much more empowering to think of burnout as something that we have control over. Now, there are, there may be aspects of our burnout that we're not choosing. And I think some great examples of that - and I'm just gonna throw this out there right now - nurses and healthcare workers certainly didn't choose the burnout that came with the pandemic. They did not choose that.

(02:58):

There definitely situations where our burnout is not a choice, but those are not the choices that I'm talking about. When I say that burnout is a choice. The choices that I'm talking about are the corporate hustler who says yes to the extra project, that she doesn't have time for purely out of a desire to people please, or who says yes to the social commitment that she doesn't actually want to go to out of guilt. And again, maybe out of a desire to people please. I'm talking about the business owner that says yes to the meeting that isn't in their contract or takes on the client that - even before they start working together - is already stressing them out and throwing up red flags. When I talk about burnout as a choice, I am talking about the high achiever who expects perfection from themselves in all facets of their life and leaves no room for rest. When I talk about burnout as a choice, I am talking about the person who is constantly rushing from work commitment to side hustle to two hour training session at the gym, et cetera.

(04:05):

That's what I'm talking about. When I say burnout is a choice. The majority of us have certain behaviors and habits or standards and expectations that we hold ourselves to that are not sustainable. We expect ourselves to be perfect, little people, pleasing robots. And as such, we say yes to things that we don't have the time for, we don't have the bandwidth for, and we don't even have the desire to do.

(04:35):

Now. I know that some of the things that are in our lives are out of our control. You know, you may have less control over your work situation, if you work for a company. If you're an entrepreneur and a business, you have control. That's why you started your business in the first place. And yeah, you could say, yeah, but I need to make money. Okay, we'll up your rates so that you don't have to work as much. I have yet to meet an entrepreneur who probably charges as much as they should. They're very, very rare to come across an entrepreneur, the charges as much as they should. And actually, I'm just going to throw this in there as a PSA for all of my business owners out there. If you've ever come across a service provider or a coach or a business owner and caught yourself saying "your prices are too high, it's too expensive." You need to take into account the fact that they really only take half of that price home. Entrepreneurs and business owners have a lot of overhead. They have business expenses that they're paying for. They're paying for their own health care. All of the things that your company is providing to you - internet, your work computer, you know, all of those things, the infrastructure, the, the programs that you use - all of those things, entrepreneurs and business owners have to pay for. So the next time you look at an entrepreneur's prices and say, you're charging too much. I'm not willing to pay that much take into consideration. The fact that that business owner is really only taking home, as a paycheck, about half of what you're seeing of what they're asking you to pay. So PSA for all my business owners out there.

(06:05):

But you're choosing your burnout. There are so many of us that need to check our expectations, really need to check the bandwidth that we think we have.

(06:17):

I'm going to talk about my boyfriend here for a second. He he'll forgive me. Um, he is, I always joke that he's my worst client, because he is a little Energizer bunny. He has so much energy and bandwidth, but he also, and he knows it is a workaholic. He has it in his head that just because he feels like he has energy, he has more to dedicate and more to pour into his business, into me, into the other people in his life. And he'll say, "oh, I'm good. I'm good. I'm fine. I, you know, I, I have plenty of bandwidth to handle this plenty of energy to handle this." And then he sleeps for 12 hours and it completely catches him off guard, or he'll randomly start falling asleep on the couch when he's just taking a break. Those are the things to look out for of when you are choosing your burnout.

(07:13):

I love this Tony Robbins quote of "people overestimate what they can achieve in a year and underestimate what they can achieve in 10." And I think for the vast majority of high achievers, this is why we are the way we are. This is why we take on so much. This is why we have such high expectations is because we have it in our minds that we have to achieve all of this shit in a year. Or it's not worth it, or we're not worth it. And that is so freaking untrue. We have time. I'm not saying be lazy. I'm not saying don't put in the effort because obviously our time isn't guaranteed. We know that, but the vast majority of us have so much more time than we think we do. And the expectations and perfection that we expect out of ourselves is self infflicted. The desire to, you know, build your business up to six, seven figures in the next six months, that is a choice you're making. And if your body and your emotions and your mental capacity are resisting that decision, are literally fighting tooth and nail for you to take a break, and you're still choosing to push through and to quote unquote, hustle - fuck hustle, mentality. I'm just going to say that. If you're choosing that, you are choosing your burnout. If you are doing things you feel like you quote unquote should do and those things are then burning you out because you have no rest time, no downtime, no time to rejuvenate and recover, you are choosing your burnout.

(08:55):

Burnout for so many of us is the result of the choices we are making the choices we are making to spread ourselves too thin, to not properly take care of ourselves, to not properly rest and recover. All of those are choices that the vast majority of high-achieving people on this planet make on a day to day basis.

(09:19):

This episode is kind of a call out to you if you are one of those people. If you are somebody who has had so much piled on them by no choice or fault of their own, like our nurses and healthcare providers...I was supposed to do a speaking engagement for a nursing organization out of Alberta. And we were going to talk about burnout because it's been such an issue for nurses the last year, and they had a COVID search. And the last thing that we wanted to do was talk about burnout when all of the nurses who were there were going to be burned out we're is going to be like rubbing salt in a wound.

(10:00):

There are definitely situations where our burnout is not a choice. But if you, you are catching yourself right now saying "my burnout's not a choice. I'm not choosing this." I don't know your situation. I don't know what's on your plate. But what I will ask you to do is to take a good, hard look at your life, at the commitments, at the things that you say are burning you out and ask yourself, which of those habits and commitments have you been saying yes to when you shouldn't have? What expectations have you been setting that you shouldn't have? That's really the call to action, if you will, from this episode is for you to just take a good, hard, look at your life and to ask yourself which things here am I choosing? Which aspects of my burnout am I choosing? And then - big kicker - to ask yourself how you could choose differently.

(11:06):

Burnout is a choice. For so many of us burnout is a choice. And mark, my whole mission is to help you choose differently is to raise this to your conscious level of awareness. So you know that you are choosing this. That's what this whole point of this podcast is, is to raise this to the point where you're aware, because awareness is the first step. And now that you've become aware, now is the opportunity to choose differently. Now is the opportunity to create different behaviors and different habits that better support the kind of lifestyle you want a lifestyle where burnout is not your default, but is something that you have the power to choose or not to choose.

(11:51):

That is my whole mission here. I want you to able to work less and live more. I want you to be able to have more joy and fulfillment and freedom in your life. And if calling bullshit on some of the victimization that we're doing, when it comes to our burnout is step one toward doing that, then that's my job. This is one of those situations where I'm kind of realizing my job is not to be liked. My job is not to be sunshine and roses and happy little unicorns. My job is to call you out on what you need to be called out on.

(12:26):

So take this into consideration, really, really dig in and ask yourself, am I choosing my burnout? What choices am I making that are contributing to my burnout? And then once you know, the answers to those questions, empower yourself to choose differently.

(12:44):

That's all I've got for you today. Dang, I've been very, very efficient these last two podcast episodes. I think they both been under right around 15 minutes. Go me. This is what happens when I'm prepared with what I want to talk about on that given day. But thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast episode. And if you do feel like you need support with this, if you are realizing, "oh my God, I am choosing my burnout, but I don't know how to choose differently, or I'm not sure what factors are contributing the most." I highly, highly, highly encourage you to check out my premium membership - the take back your life membership. It Is $97 a month. It includes so so much. You get access to the book club, you get access to biweekly group coaching, monthly themes. You get access to quarterly guest speakers. So much stuff that you get access to. And I would love to support you in making burnout. Something that you can choose not to experience. But with that, thank you so much for listening. I'll talk to you next time. Bye.