#120 - Why You Should STOP Trying to Figure it ALL OUT Beforehand

Summary

In this episode, I talk about analysis paralysis, planning as procrastination, and why it's so important to quit trying to figure it all out before you start. I talk about how this can play out with our goals, relationships, and careers, 4 steps to break away from this stuckness and why this mindset shift will set you free and help you make moves.

For show notes, head to coachellyn.com/podcast and, of course, if you have any questions or want to connect, head on over to @coachellyn on Instagram.

ACTION STEPS:

• STEP #1 - Pick something that sounds and feels good to you. A goal, a person, a job, etc.

• STEP #2 - Start. Try. Put in some time. Don’t wait until you figure out the details. Just start.

• STEP #3 - Reflect. How’s it going? What’s going well? What’s not? Are the successes and wins enough to overcome the struggles? OR are the difficulties deal breakers?

• STEP #4 - Pivot. In fact, pivot frequently. Gather the data you need and then course-correct.

RESOURCES IN THIS EPISODE:

• My “Goal Mapping” training - here

• My BRAND NEW “Take Back Your Life Membership” - here

• My BRAND NEW “Achiever’s Book Club” - here

Transcript for this episode:

Hey there, and welcome back my friend to the Take Back Your Damn Life podcast. Clearly we are kicking off a new year and I for 1 am so excited that you're starting off this new year with me.

I really wanted to - in today's podcast- tell you something and share something with you that I think is going to be a powerful mindset shift for you as we kick off this new year. And that is, I really want to show you why it's so damn important to stop trying to figure it all out beforehand.

We do this with our goals. We do this with our careers, we do this with our relationships to some respect. And I really, really want to make sure that you ditch this mindset going into the new year. It's going to be so so important. And I really, really want to make sure that you're with me on this because this has been a game changer to me even as I wrapped up to 2020. So let's get into it.

Before we do, though, I've got some announcements for you. I don't do this too often, but I've just got some new stuff coming up that I really want to make sure you're aware of. Firstly, my goal mapping webinar. Almost a year ago to the day, I did a goal mapping webinar where I basically broke down every single tip, trick tool, etc, that I could possibly have shared with you when it came to setting goals. It is a process that I take seriously so much pride in. And I have made that webinar available to you, if you go to coachellyn.com/courses, that webinar is available to you for a very, very inexpensive price. Because I really want to make sure that you are leveraging this New Year, this new motivation.

You know, I'm a firm believer that we can set new goals throughout the year anytime we want to. But clearly, this is a moment, you know, as we ditch 2020, which was such a shit year for so many of us. As we ditch it, I want to make sure that you're taking advantage of that new mindset. So this goal mapping webinar again is at coachellyn.com/courses and you can go ahead and grab your goal mapping webinar there.

Another big thing that I really wanted to make you aware of is I'm actually launching a new membership at the end of the month. This membership isn't completely different than the group program I did at this time last year. But I've twisted it a little bit. That group program was a three month long program. But what I've realized, and I feel like I've been getting feedback about so many people is that burnout is totally something that can be a continuous threat to us as high achievers. It's like the devil that sits on your shoulder, it's always there. Therefore, I really want to make sure that I am giving you a container where you have consistent and continuous access not only to me as a coach, but to a community of peers who are in it with you, the take back your life membership will be launching at the end of the month. And I want to make sure you're aware so that if you feel like you do need that support, you do need that help with burnout, you do need that mentorship, that community, those peers around you that you get on this ASAP. You can head to coachellyn.com/membership to learn more about the price points, what's included, etc. But it is going to be amazing. And I want to make sure you are in it.

Last but not least is I have been asked for a while now to do a book club. So I am coming in the first quarter of this year going to be launching what I call the achievers book club where we're going to be reading thing about things about mindset, about productivity, about burnout, about you know, being you know, having a healthy mindset, being your best self, all the different things you could possibly think of and I'm really, really excited to kick that off with you. So those are just a couple announcements.

Again, I love to keep you guys looped in on what's going on what you can expect. And I wanted to make sure you knew about the goal mapping webinar again, coachellyn.com/courses, the membership to take back your life membership, which is at coachellyn.com/membership. And last but not least, the book club which is as you can probably guess at coachellyn.com/bookclub.

Now with that though, let's truly get into today's topic because this is going to be a juicy one and I'm so excited to share with you. So let's do this.

All right. So why are we talking about this this notion of stop trying to figure it all out beforehand, because I have seen so many people be paralyzed by planning. They almost use planning and having a plan as a procrastination tool of sorts because they want to have everything figured out. But ultimately the reason why I am doing this at the kickstart of our 2021 is because we need to be crystal clear on a fact and my friends this is a fact because you won't ever know all the steps until you've tried something

And even then you won't know all the steps that will work for you. As I mentioned, I've seen this play out in so many parts of our lives: goals, relationships, careers. And I'm actually let's get into the nitty gritty of some of these.

Let's talk goals. Say one of your goals is you want to start a business, somebody may have started their business a certain way. And that's a great starting point for you to kind of get a roadmap of what to do. But what if it doesn't work for you? What if their way of building a business burns you out? What if your goal is I want to run a half marathon this year? And you have a friend who followed a certain half marathon training program? Again, a great starting point. But what if it doesn't work for you? What if their way of training for a half marathon leads you to an injury or lead you to overwhelm? Well, then, ultimately, it's not going to work.

Let's look at another thing that a lot of us spend way too much time trying to figure out beforehand, myself included, I'm very guilty of this relationship. What about relationships? We can't have it all figured out from the get go. When it comes to starting a new relationship. We can't, we can't know how much we will like someone or if someone is the right person for us, until we shocker, date them. I almost made this mistake in the new relationships that I've been in. I've been seeing someone for about a month, month and a half now. And he almost got friendzone. And he almost got basically just kicked to the curb because I was spending so much time navigating and paralyzed by do I like this guy? How much do I like this guy? He's got kids. Do I want to potentially, you know, be a mom to his kids. You know, these things we think about. And I didn't know the answer to so many of these questions. And I was paralyzed by it. And I didn't feel like I could date him and even a casual capacity until I figured all of this stuff out. And I finally had a realization with him that I can't force myself to have this all figured out. From the beginning. I can't know until I spend more time with him. And whether we're talking romantic relationships, friendships, or something else. It's the exact same way. We can't have it all figured out. We can't know until we put in the work. And we've tried. And we've in this case, dated them.

Let's also look at careers. So many of us and you know I I mentor and teach high schoolers, many of whom are seniors and you know, in their junior year and trying to figure out what they want to do with their life. And I would be the first to tell you, I don't always think it's a good thing that we have 18 year olds, picking what they're going to be doing for the rest of their life. Because ultimately, we can't know what career or job is going to be right for us until we've done it. I'm a big fan of job shadowing actually. But until we've realized, what about a career or a job we love, or we hate, we can't know. Honestly, Gone are the days where you work at the same company for your entire career from graduation to retirement, my dad did that. And I thought that's what we all should do. But me shit, I'm on my third career. And God knows what job number I'm on. I frankly have lost track.

But we can't know. We can't predict it all. We can't predict it at all, in fact.

Hell, I wish we teach this to high schoolers and college students. I wish we would put less pressure on knowing as soon as you got to college, having you the career you pick in college, be your end all be all. I wish we told them that that didn't have to be the case. But that wasn't the case for the vast majority of majority of us because there are always transferrable skills. And it's okay to pivot. But I digress. I could totally soapbox on that one for a while. But I have a tutoring session in like 10 minutes and I want to make this a punchy episode. But this is the gist of today. We need to stop trying to figure it all out beforehand with our goals with our relationships with our careers.

So what I want to leave you with before I wrap this sucker up, and this is probably going to be my shortest episode that I've recorded in a long while. Here are some steps. I want you to first step one, pick something that sounds and feels good to you. Maybe we're talking about a job, maybe we're talking about a goal. I don't necessarily care what we're talking about. But Pick something that feels good to you. Pick it, see where it goes.

Then step two, start. Try it, put in some time, put in some work, play it out. If you want to, you can give yourself a deadline here, I'm gonna see how it goes for a month, or I would say three months, I think you've got a really good feel for things. If you give it like three months, 90 days, something like that. But step one is pick a thing that sounds good and feels good. Step two is to start it, try it do the damn thing.

And then step three - and God I'm such a huge proponent of this. Literally, this is the premise behind my take back your time planner. Just you know, shameless plug there. But Step three is reflect. How's it going? What's going well, what's not going well? Are their successes and wins? Are their struggles and difficulties. Are the successes and wins enough to overshadow and overcome the struggles? Or are the difficulties deal breakers.

When I do a weekly review, I am asking my three self three questions. And they might get redundant, but they are powerful and simple. And that's kind of why I love them. what's working, what's not working? What can I improve? And honestly, I think it works in goals in relationships and careers. What's working in a relationship could be I love XYZ about this person, what's not working? I don't like this. And you know, in that context, then you can maybe ask yourself, okay, are the difficulties and the things that aren't working deal breakers? Or are the good things, the things that are going well enough to kind of overshadow the difficulties and the things that I don't like, in a goal? Are there things that are going well, and things that aren't working? Okay, well, then take the things that aren't working, make changes, and try again. Improve. Get that real time data, rectify, and repeat. Over and over and over again.

Goal achievement, frankly, even finding the right career, it's about iterating over time. It's not about getting it right the first time. And I think that's what so many of us get wrong. You're not going to get it right the first time, your plans probably not going to be the right plan the first time. But that's ultimately what brings us to step four.

So step one, you pick something that sounds good and feels good, and you do it. Well, I guess step two is do it. But you know what I mean? Step three, then is to review yourself, reflect. Ask yourself, what's working and what's not, and make tweaks. And then step four, is pivot. Pivot if you need to, and in fact, pivot frequently. gather the data you need in Step three, and then course correct. We've got to stop being afraid of pivoting. We've got to stop being afraid of pivoting in our goals. If we decide a goal is no longer for us. Awesome. No longer for us. It's like that whole Oh, I just learned 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb. Thank you, Thomas Edison. Like, it's okay, to pivot. It's okay to learn what's not working.

And it works with our goals. It's okay to date the wrong person, realize what you do want and what you don't, and break up with them. It's okay to have a wrong career path or a wrong job. So long as you don't make the same mistakes over and over again, you don't end up in the same situations over and over and over again.

That's the point here. So, by all means, pivot, but stop trying to figure it all out beforehand. Stop trying to plan until the procrastination is paralyzing. God, that's a tongue twister. I almost botched that. But just stop trying to figure it all out beforehand in your goals, in your relationships, and in your career.

And if you are in 2021, right now, and you find yourself paralyzed because you've wanted to have goals, but it's five days into the year and you're still just like, "Uh I don't I don't know. I'm stuck. I can't figure out what the right goals are for me," then my friend. Stop trying to have it all figured out beforehand. Pick something that sounds fun and feels good. Start, reflect and then pivot. That's it.

That's the magic recipe. It's really not that magic. But too damn, many of us think we need to have it all figured out before we start, and I get it.

We think we're wasting time. If we don't we think it's inefficient if we don't have it figured out beforehand, but it's not. It's just life. And you can't always plan it. Sometimes you really do. Just have to live it.

That's all I've got for you today, my friend. I hope this message resonated with you and if you were somebody that is stuck and paralyzed by picking out your goals, or figuring out your next steps this year, don't be you're not gonna have it all figured out beforehand.

And I'm gonna say that again, you can't always plan it. Sometimes you just have to live it. Alrighty, my friend, I will talk to you next time. Have a good one and happy 2021