5 Tips for CREATE More Confidence + Get the EFF Out of Your Way
Before...we talked about clarity...
Now, we’re talking about confidence!
This is a huge one for so many people!
And no wonder! Confidence can impact us in so many ways! I remember reading the results of the study that Dove did in 2016 about confidence in women...the results blew my freaking MIND! Only 4% of women worldwide consider themselves “beautiful”. By the age of 17, 78% of girls will be “unhappy with their bodies”. And this affects us profoundly, keeping us from not only chatting up the hottie we’re crushing on, but also from just taking part in certain activities (47%). In career, it’s even more profound. Women weren’t confident enough to: request a new role or position (56%), request a raise (61%), ask for a promotion (65%), or pursue a job opportunity beyond their experience (73%).
That is why building your confidence is so important…it affects every facet of our lives.
You can read more about the Dove study here.
So, how do we go about building our confidence?
Here are my top 5 tips…
Get Clear on Who You Are & What You Want. Did you really think all this stuff wasn’t connected? Hehe. Sorry to disappoint, but one of the first things you can do to build your confidence is to level-up your clarity. My clients will tell you that I love to say “Clarity breeds Confident” and damn do I believe it! It’s why I’m such a broken record about it. It’s hard to be confident about who you are and where you’re going if you’re CLEAR about it. And it’s not just about figuring out who you are OR what you want. You need both. Head back to clarity post here for deets on how to level up your clarity!
Get to know the intricacies of your inner monologue. What do I mean by “get to know your inner monologue”? I mean pay attention to the things that trigger your inner monologue in a negative way. Are there certain situations that you tend to respond to negatively? Are there certain people? Are their certain environments that you’re in that tend to affect you the most? The more familiarity you can develop with your inner monologue and how it responds to the world, the more you can be proactive about overcoming and even negating those reactions! Because the more able you are to put and keep your mind in a positive state, the better and the more likely you are to remain positive, happy and, of course, confident.
Nix negativity and start practicing self-compassion. One of the biggest reasons why confidence is such a struggle, especially for women, is because of our inner monologue. For so many of my clients, friends and the people that I talk to, one of their biggest struggles is overcoming the negative inner monologue inside their head. Melissa Ambrosini calls it your “inner mean girl”. Others have called it their inner shit talker, inner bitch, etc. It has a lot of monickres and, well, none of them are good. Basically, this is the voice in your head when you mess up that says, “Wow you’re such a idiot. What a fuck up! Why would anyone hire/date/be friends with you?” Not exactly the friendliest voice in the world, huh? But it’s there, ever-present and ever-commenting, for damn near all of us. So, how do we overcome it? Self-compassion, my friends. Self-compassion refers to the simple act of being compassionate toward yourself. I heard it said once in a podcast that everytime you say something shitty to yourself, it’s like kicking a puppy. “Would you kick a puppy?” Instead of egging on the shitty inner monologue, fighting it, or trying to ignore it…the best thing to do, as with any habit, is to replace it. Replace it with a compassionate voice who speaks to you with kindness and love. Instead of letting the shitty inner monologue run amok, intentionally speak to yourself the way you would your best friend, daughter, grandma, etc. When one of these people messes up, we’re kind. We’re loving. We reassure them of how great they are and that one mistake, failure or fuck-up doesn’t define them. Try to exercise that kind of compassion with yourself. Start by just being aware of how you’re talking to yourself. The next step after that is to notice the shitty self talk and follow it with compassion. Eventually, shitty self-talk won’t be the default…you’ll have replaced it with compassion. And by doing so, you’ll have fixed one of the biggest things that affects our confidence that we have control over.
Try something new. Particularly a physical challenge. In my podcast episode “Fitness as a Vehicle for Growth”, I talked about a story that my life coach said to me. When people come to visit her in Colorado, she takes them to climb one of Colorado’s many 14-ers, referring to the many peaks in Colorado that are 14,000 ft or higher. Her reasoning? “Because once they climb that first mountain, they’ve laid the foundation for climbing the next.” It’s the same way with confidence. Each time you try something new, there’s discomfort there. There’s a little anxiety. Maybe even a little fear. But, the more you challenge yourself, the more you realize that you’re capable of handling challenge and that feeling of capability breeds confidence. Because, here's the thing. Confidence isn't a one-time thing. You don't have an instance of capability and competence and then never feel fear or self-doubt again! It's something you build! It's gotta be a consistent act. Each time you challenge yourself, each time you show bravery and each time you show yourself that you can do something, even if you fall or struggle, that builds confidence. The more consistently that you show up, the bigger that confidence muscle will grow. And simultaneously, the longer you go without building your confidence muscle, the more action you'll have to take to build it up again. So, challenge yourself to consistently try new things. That will build your confidence muscle.
Keep track of your PHYSICAL Confidence Cues. One of my favorite tricks for creating on-demand confidence is to take an inventory of what I call your “confidence cues”. What does this mean? Brainstorm and keep track of the moments in your life where you’re feeling particularly confident. Track what you’re doing, what you’re listening to, what you’re watching, what you’re wearing, etc. How is this helpful? Because there are instances where we’d all like to feel more confident, whether it’s before a job interview, a first date, or before trying that we’ve never done before. If we can tap into these cues that help us feel more confident, we can use them to our advantage to give ourselves a bit of a confidence boost when the moment calls for it. Me? I love music to help pump me up and inspire confidence. I also have a go-to pair of jeans and a couple outfits that make me feel like an absolute badass. That’s exactly what we’re going for.