Emotional Health Resources
Listen to How You Speak - Self-Compassion
How do you talk to yourself…
· When you get dumped by someone?
· When you walk around all day with your fly open?
· When you spill coffee on yourself?
· When you try something and fail?
· When you forget something important like a birthday?
· When you snap at someone?
My default was always “I’m so stupid.” Or something along those lines. And I will never forget something that Brené Brown said in the Power of Vulnerability, and of course I’m paraphrasing here. The idea was that when you do something wrong and you say “I’m stupid” – that’s shaming, and that’s shaming because you are essentially assigning the entirety of your self-worth to that mistake. This is contrast to saying “That was stupid.” This is an improvement, though not self-compassionate. This may assign embarrassment or criticism to the action, but what it’s not doing is assigning your self-worth to the mistake.
Self-compassion is perhaps one of my favorite topics because I feel like it’s under-utilized, and it was something that I really struggled with. I did not good self-talk before my journey began, and on occasion I still don’t. This is one of those things that is a life-long habit. But if self-talk and compassionate self-talk is something that you struggle with, then this is a lesson that you should really take to heart.
My definition of self-compassion is actually something I heard in a podcast episode. The Art of Charm, I believe it was, and I believe that it’s the most straightforward explanation of what self-compassion.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend.
That’s it! Cut and dry. Plain and simple. If you’re about to say something to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend or significant other, then don’t say it to yourself.
A great way to start having more self-compassion is by practicing Affirmations!
You may feel when you first start like you’re lying to yourself, but you’re not. Truth is – you’re lying to yourself now with all your negative, self-hating talk. Reset your internal dialogue and start telling yourself all of the awesome things about yourself, because you are awesome.
Good daily reminder: Pester Me app for iPhone or Android.
Ditch Self Deprecation
Compliments & Comparison
Piss & Moan with Perspective
If you haven’t noticed, there are certain authors and speakers that I reference a lot. And Brené Brown is one of them – especially in the context of emotional health. And one of my absolute favorite things that she’s ever said is (and I’m paraphrasing here) – “It’s okay to complain! But piss and moan with perspective.”
When we complain, often there is some part of us that feels guilty or judged because we find ourselves saying something like “Who am I to be complaining?” We look at our lives and all we have and then hang our heads at our dissatisfaction or frustration because we have so much to be thankful for. A roof over our heads, a healthy family, a job, food, etc.
I think that’s great. You know based on previous lessons in this program that I believe living in gratitude and abundance is a great thing. But I also think that complaining is healthy.
It’s okay to vent.
It’s okay to groan and complain to your best friend over drinks at Happy Hour.
It’s okay to complain!
But you have to piss and moan with perspective.
In Brené Brown’s book she makes a point of saying that we shouldn’t feel guilty about complaining or venting. It’s okay to! It’s human nature to! You just need to come out of the situation knowing that you do still have so much to be thankful for.
The Snowball Effect
When one negative thing leads you to think about another negative thing and another and another until you start to look at your life with complete and utter hopelessness and dissatisfaction.