Summary

What does it mean to be fit? How can we make fitness sustainable? How can we be mindful in the process, making our workouts and fitness more about our whole selves and not just the pounds or inches we lose? In this episode, I welcome my first interview since I relaunched the Burned Out to Badass podcast - Coach Nali of Supernova Fitness. She’s going to show us how to get Mindfully Fit!

For show notes, head to coachellyn.com/podcast, and, of course, if you have any questions or want to connect, head on over to @coachellyn on Instagram.

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About our guest:

Coach Nali is an online fitness and mindset coach based in NYC. She empowers career-driven women who work a busy 9-5 to develop healthy habits to get leaner and stronger via strength training, mindset reframing, and nutrition. She creates a holistic program that makes health work well for you, your lifestyle, and your goals. Along the way, Coach Nali helps women cultivate self-love and confidence through their fat loss journey. Head over to @nali_supernova's IG to learn more. 

Website | Instagram

Transcript

Ellyn (00:02):

Hi, Nali. Welcome! So I'm so glad to have you on the podcast. How are you?

Nali (00:10):

I'm so good. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be on your podcast and get to know you as well.

Ellyn (00:17):

Yeah, me too, me too. And I'm already going to shout Nali out because she has been so patient with me over the last 10 days. Guys, I have Covid, so if I sound raspy, that's why. And Nali's been a champ dealing with Ellyn's flakiness. I keep calling it sick brain. Have you had Covid?

Nali (00:32):

Actually? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I, I had it twice the first time. Um, my boyfriend got it and I was living with roommates at the time and so I decided to, um, quarantine with him and shack up with him and then just get it cuz I didn't wanna spread it to my roommates. So I sacrificed myself. So on the sixth day of his sickness is when I started to feeling it, feel it. So every day I was just waiting for it to hit me. It was torture. Mm-hmm.

Ellyn (01:01):

<affirmative>. Um, my friend and I were like in denial when I first started getting it. We were in an Airbnb that really felt like it desperately needed a, uh, humidifier. And cuz I was like putting Chapstick on like nobody's business and like, I never do that. And then we came to realize, no, my scratchy throat was because I was coming down with COVID.

Nali (01:21):

Man...

Ellyn (01:21):

She got it a couple days after me because she was trapped in the car with me as we were coming back for vacation. So, yeah. Yes, shouting out Nali immediately because she waited on our first schedule of this podcast and I completely flaked cuz I was sick. So I'm really excited to have you here and I'm really excited to dive into this. Cause as we've already been talking about, we have very, very similar kind of values, I feel like, and types of people that we work with. And I'm really curious to kind of hear what your story is for how you got to where you are like focusing on high achievers, doing kind of your, your mindly fit work? How did you kinda get there?

Nali (02:01):

So it goes back to maybe like three or four years ago when I was so burnt out from my corporate job. I worked at a tech company. Um, I had a really toxic work environment. I lost myself. Uh, during that I actually dived into feeling or healing myself through alcohol and drugs. I was always, um, active in the gym, but I didn't know anything about nutrition or my relationship with food. Um, I've tried every fad diet because I wanted to look a certain way and then I also just didn't know who I was. I was seeking happiness in other people.

Ellyn (02:37):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Nali (02:38):

So when I got laid off from that job and then c hit right after that, I did a lot of soul searching, went to therapy and under really understood what, like what I stood for and what I wanted to do. And I wanted to heal others that were in the same boat as I have been.

Nali (02:56):

And, um, I don't think life should be lived that way. You know, I think there's a lot to life, especially, that's what like I've learned from Covid. Time is precious. So how can we incorporate healthy habits, but also make sure that you're prioritizing your mindset along the way. And obviously we need to work because that's how we live. Um, but how can we integrate everything and so that all of your values match your actions and you feel good, but there's no perfect world obviously. But learning the balance and learning that you do have the control and um, you can make yourself happy. Mm-hmm.

Ellyn (03:35):

<affirmative>, I love that your, your story is actually very similar in terms of the kickoff For my, my story, I was back in graduate school and I had the biggest bout of burnout I've ever experienced in my life during graduate school. And I was kind of trying to find my way back to myself and I did it through fitness. I actually got my start in health and fitness coaching, but I kind of came to learn all of these other pieces are so important as well. And that's kind of how I arrived where I am with burnout coaching. I'm curious, do you, do you kind of feel like you kind of mentioned losing yourself. In what ways do you feel like you lost yourself? Like was it lot, a lot of your career kind of Yeah. Really in the wrong directions. Like what did that look like for you?

Nali (04:18):

People pleasing, I would say not having boundaries. Um, I am first born, first gen and I identify with that so much. My parents immigrated here. They didn't teach me anything about setting boundaries. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, they only said say yes and take what you can get and try to move up and make a lot of money. But I didn't know who I was. I didn't have like anyone to teach me or show me the ropes. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I just said yes to everything. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I never stood up for myself. So that's when I felt like I really lost myself. Like, and I honestly like those years I didn't know who I was mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So it's so sad, you know?

Ellyn (04:55):

Yeah. And I really feel like we start to over identify with some of those labels. Like maybe it's, I'm over identifying with the fact that like I'm a VP or a manager at XYZ company or maybe we're just over identifying with the fact that I am that person that is always there. I will always be there to help you. And then we start to kind of wrap so much of our identity up in that, that when we start to realize while this kind of sucks, I don't really like this. Yeah. It's sometimes hard to step away from those things because they've kind of defined us for so long. Right,

Nali (05:29):

Exactly.

Ellyn (05:29):

I hugely found that as well. That's, yeah. Lots of overlap there. Okay. So then you did all of this personal work. How did, cuz you said, you said you'd always kind of been into fitness. How did kind of the mindfulness component start to fit into that? Because I'm also a big mindfulness person, so I'm excited about this.

Nali (05:49):

So my first job was actually in Thailand. I worked closely with somebody that had, um, Parkinson's disease. And we both went to a temple once a week. It was a white temple and we did meditation there and I, it changed my life. Like the first time I did meditation, it was in this all white temple. Very peaceful. I sat there for 45 minutes, which was like the hardest thing in the whole world. You feel claustrophobic, you feel like you're gonna like come outta your body. But afterwards I felt like I was flying and just like, nobody can take this away from me. Um, so I meditate to this day and I also preach that to my clients, but obviously we're not in that environment. Um, and it's so hard to, I

Ellyn (06:32):

Mean, you've done a pretty good job of replicating the all white situation. I really was like sitting here thinking, I wonder if that's why her room looks like that.

Nali (06:40):

No, for sure. I, I definitely meditate in this room and I like download something like calm or headspace and its tell my clients do the same. I used just do 10 minutes a day just to coat yourself with some peace, peacefulness and, and calmness. And so that's how it kind comes into it. Um, especially in your morning routine before you start your workday.

Ellyn (07:00):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Why do you think it's so important to start with that?

Nali (07:04):

Because when you start your workday, you open your laptop, open your emails, your energy gets pulled away from something that's outside of you and outside of your control. And you're not taking back time to focus on yourself. So if you can just carve out like 20 to 30 minutes before you start work and really devote time to yourself, it changes everything. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> changes, food, your attitude, your confidence, you feel so much better and you just have to practice it. You just have to keep practicing it.

Ellyn (07:35):

I like what you kind of said before too about like "coat yourself and calm and, and and peacefulness." I kind of feel like that's what a morning routine does. And for whatever reason when we say coat yourself, I'm literally thinking of like a strawberry getting like dipped in chocolate or whatever. But that's kind like what I feel like that is is whether it's meditation or mindfulness or like, do you have any other components of your morning routine that you're like a big proponent of?

Nali (08:04):

Yes. I actually created a formula with the morning routine and it's...

Ellyn (08:08):

Give it to us. Give it to us.

Nali (08:09):

It's the three S's. It's simple. There's stillness and um, it's sparks joy. So, and it could be like, I think the most important component is that it's simple. I'm not talking about the Instagram morning girl routine that everybody just like feels like they can't accomplish because it's not realistic. Um, people forget that it's their job to like post and make content and things like that. But for the normal person that works at corporate nine to five, a simple morning routine looks like. So for me, I wake up, I love the smells of like autumn for example. So I light a candle, I do a 10 minute, 10 minute meditation. I make coffee and that's it. I check in with, with myself like, "Hey Nali, what do you need today in order to feel good?" That's it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I start my day and nothing too crazy.

Ellyn (09:00):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I like that. I feel like I got into morning routines with the like Instagram worthy very elaborate morning routine. And I very quickly just kind of started.... It's so easy to defeat yourself when you have, like whether we're talking morning routines or just kind of your self care routines in general, I feel like it's so easy to defeat yourself when you overcomplicate them. I actually saw a quote from James Clear recently, the guy who wrote Atomic Habits.

Nali (09:28):

Oh yeah. Great Book.

Ellyn (09:30):

He said something along the lines of, "a lot of people make the mistake of creating routines and habits that they can follow on their best day, but that's not how we should approach our routines and habits. You need to focus on what is something that I can stick to even on my worst days." And I Wow. Loved that quote. I was like, there's a reason why this dude's a writer because ...beautifully said!

Nali (09:52):

Exactly. So good <laugh>, great book. I recommend everyone reading it.

Ellyn (09:58):

Seriously. I, if you want to, especially cause I feel like so much of us is like achievers, we like understanding the why behind things. We like having that like context and that knowledge. Oh trust me, if you wanna know more about habits, like dude breaks it down for you and you will learn so much about habits from that book.

Nali (10:16):

Yeah. And I think the reason why that is, um, is because we attach feeling to everything.

Ellyn (10:23):

True.

Nali (10:24):

I feel like doing this, I don't feel like doing that, but if someone can explain the science behind habit building mm-and like detach feeling from that, we can start to understand and, and execute it better instead of relying on our feelings, you know?

Ellyn (10:40):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, and I think it's kinda like a double edged sword too because I think there's a lot of value. Oh, you're about to get some really, really fun sunlight coming in cuz it's that time of day for me. Um, guys, I have like the greatest little like pattern across my face from the sun.

Nali (10:55):

I love it.

Ellyn (10:57):

But I think it's kind of a double edged sword because I think there's value to paying attention to your emotions, kind of not shoving down your emotions. Especially because I had a therapist friend one point tell me, she's like, You're such a textbook achiever, you treat your emotions like roadblocks. And I was like, "I feel so called out. I don't like it."

Ellyn (11:16):

Um, but I like, we do need to kind of pay attention to and recognize our emotions, but at the same time I also preach a lot about ruthless self-awareness. Cause I think that's incredibly important for just about anything, but like in particular for burnout and stress management. And in that we almost want to disconnect from our emotions because otherwise we bring too much judgment into it. And I actually really, really curious, how have you seen that play out in terms of, like, you talked about attaching emotion to things and that we're so good at that, which we are. How have you kind of seen that be a, a helper and a hindrance for some of your client? The fact clients, the fact that we like, attach emotion to everything.

Nali (12:00):

I think my clients, um, as well as like everyone rely on motivation and motivation is a feeling. So if they don't feel motivated to work out or, um, cook or hit their nutrition goals or even like anything at all, then they're not moving, they're not doing anything and they're staying still and they're self sabotaging. So, and I, I attract a lot of empaths for some reason I think I'm an empath. I, my whole life is based on my feelings. And I've just recently learned the past four years how to detach some of that. And I love this quote, it's so cliche, but it's like, don't believe everything that you think. Um, so my clients will get in their heads, they'll feel fear, anxiety, um, they're, they're anxious about going to the gym. They're anxious about like, doing something that's like more or outside of their comfort zone. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I always say, let's logically look at this. Let's pull it back and create smaller goals, like small steps. So if you're scared to go to the gym, all right, that's fine. Let's do workouts at home. But one day let's go to the gym and do like a cardio session or something where you feel comfortable and you can ease into it. And so you build the confidence from that.

Ellyn (13:12):

Yeah. I'm totally stealing this from a friend and fellow podcaster, Kacia Fitzgerald, or now Kacia Ghetmiri. Yeah. She just got married, which is her last name's perfect for the fact that she just got married cuz her new last name is Ghetmiri.

Nali (13:27):

No way.

Ellyn (13:29):

So, perfect. Kacia, I hope listen to this. But she always says that stuff like that is a drop. It's a drop in your confidence bucket. You're just putting drops in your confidence bucket. And I think that is absolutely huge. I'm a former scientist. I don't know if you actually know this about me. So one of the things that I always kind of think about in those situations is if you take like an information, a piece of information or a story that you're telling yourself, you know, these things that I'm anxious to go work out at the gym. If you take that scenario with a feeling, it's a story. And those stories can be very impactful. But if you take the feeling out, which I'm not even gonna try to, sugarcoat is hard if you don't have practice at it. But if you take the feeling away, that piece of information is just data.

Nali (14:14):

Right. I love that.

Ellyn (14:16):

And I think data is very, very powerful in our lives, but we've gotta learn to like disconnect from it because otherwise we can be so judgemental with ourselves that we're not willing to kind of look at our lives and learn from it and give ourselves what we need. Whatever happens.

Nali (14:32):

Exactly. Evolve. I think a lot of us are really great at being reflective, like, and super aware. Cause that's what I, I feel like that's been like the trend in people. It's like people have been more introspective and learning about themselves and it's great because learning about yourself is very fulfilling. But what is is the next step. The next step is to actually like, build on the habits that you need to build in order to become that person you wanna become. So, so let's like move forward a little bit from that. And I'm, I'm just learning that myself and it's really hard. I'm such a feelings girl, I'm a cancer.

Ellyn (15:08):

Do we bridge that? Like how do we bridge the, I've done all this self reflection now I need to like do the damn thing.

Nali (15:14):

I think first of all, allowing yourself to feel instead of like hurrying past like this journey, it's like, "all right, I feel like crap today and I, I'm gonna like honor her." So do what makes you feel good, but the next day you're ready to start brand new, um, on a blank slate and say, "what's something easy that I can like do today that's gonna help me propel forward." So maybe that's going on a walk, maybe that's going outside in nature, but you need to get yourself out there and just do it, you know, instead of just waiting for it.

Ellyn (15:43):

Yeah. It's like that small, like, we talk about motivation. I always used to say when I did fitness coaching momentum is motivating anything you can do to give yourself that little nudge, to give yourself that momentum - also, you can totally see my meditation pillow behind me - but anything you can do to give yourself that momentum is going to be a benefit. So like, if you're somebody who's listening to this talking a, like hearing us talk about meditation, like what's a way that they can give themselves momentum to build up that habit, which can be so powerful for them?

Nali (16:18):

Oh my gosh. I'm always saying or asking myself, ""how can I make it easier for myself?" Right? Instead of all these like roadblocks in place, how can I make this path least the like, the least resistance? And you could just do it." So my thing is Calm and Headspace, they are amazing apps. They're free apps for like the first month and all you need to do is click on one of them and do it for two minutes, three minutes. It's so little.

Ellyn (16:46):

Omg we're the same person.

Nali (16:49):

And it changes your mind completely because you're telling your mind that, hey, I am taking care of you and you're gonna feel better because I'm paying attention to you right now. Mm-hmm.

Ellyn (16:58):

It's almost like you, you doing these things is like think I think back when we were like kids and we had that person, like whether it was like grandma or mom or our aunt or our big sister or whatever. But when we were feeling like crap, they would come in and they would give us like that big warm hug. That's what you're giving to yourself every morning when you do these things. And Absolutely. I would've, like, if somebody asked me the question I just asked you, I would've probably responded the exact same way. Like, we get so stuck on the, "oh well it doesn't count unless I'm meditating for 10 or 15 minutes." Bullshit. That is completely untrue. It's whatever you need to do to get the habit in. If it means starting with the minute, sit in silence for a minute.

Nali (17:44):

Yep.

Ellyn (17:45):

Like another way, like we joked about fact, she could see my meditation cushion. That's a, a way in which I try to make it easy on myself. It's like the first thing I see when I come out to my living room is my meditation cushion. Yeah. So it's pretty easy for me to be like, "All right, I'm gonna go sit my butt on that and do my meditation in the morning." Yeah.

Nali (18:03):

Also like romanticize this time. When do you ever get to meditate? This is a brand new habit. This is so fun. Yeah. Buy yourself a cushion. Buy yourself like these meditation candles, like romanticize it, make it like save to you. It's so special. Mm-hmm.

Ellyn (18:18):

And it's so special. I knew like you led a candle. One of the things I used to do in the morning was, and I still do it, but I'm not as first thing in the morning. I love coffee. I'm from Seattle. I love, like you mentioned, you like the smell of autumn with your candles. I really like the smell of coffee. Like that whole Folgers in your cup.

Nali (18:37):

I love it. Oh my god, I smell it.

Ellyn (18:40):

Yeah. Yeah. Except not Folgers cuz Folgers is gross. But like, that was how I got myself out of bed in the morning. So it's almost like, think of what is something that when you wake up in the morning, you're like, Oh, this sounds lovely. And give that to yourself to give yourself that momentum to get the ball rolling on whatever the heck your, your habit might be.

Nali (19:03):

I love it. I love that. And momentum is key. Totally.

Ellyn (19:07):

Have you run into any instances where people have been resistant? Like those achievers have been resistant to putting in boundaries or resistant to making that space and that time for them in the morning? Cause I, I mean obviously I'm assuming you're an achiever as well because you work with this.

Nali (19:25):

Yeah.

Ellyn (19:26):

So I'm, I'm assuming we come from the same lens of like, I like getting stuff done. I like checking things off the to do list. Sometimes - I will fully admit guys, I'm an imperfect burnout coach - I get up in the morning and I will get drawn to my computer to work on that project that I'm kind of excited by. It's so easy to fall back into old habits and old patterns and it's so easy to let our egos get in the way of, I don't actually need this. So like how have you kind of like, what are some of the points of resistance that you've seen? How you kinda of helped people work through those?

Nali (20:03):

I think, uh, the achievers are having a really tough time taking rest and recovery. Rest and recover. And I, I think there's always like, uh, like a time and place where you explain to them why rest and recovery is so important. You wanna achieve, well, you also have to give yourself rest and recovery, but here are like fun ways to do that according to your style.

Nali (20:29):

Maybe it's writing that's, that's like something that you would like as your rest and recovery. Maybe it's reading, maybe if it's not, like, if it's not tv, like it, it is for me, like rest and recovery, I like to just drown myself in like really good TV shows. Um, maybe someone else could be like going on walks, listening to podcast, doing something more productive esque. Um, there's just so many avenues to get to one goal, but you must allow yourself to rest what whatever rest means for you. So, um, we'll try to get to, to that together, like to the answer together and then they'll execute it because number one is unique to them and number two, they're having fun doing it. And number three, it counts as rest and recovery. So yeah. That's my answer for that. <laugh>.

Ellyn (21:15):

I love that. And I like that you're kind of saying like, work with yourself, like work with your style. I'm trying to zoom out my camera because it is so fun with my face. Okay. I really tried to do that without like, trying to make a thing of it, but I was just like, it's not working. Um, <laugh>.

Ellyn (21:31):

I like that you said work with yourself because I do think that's a lot of things. There are a lot of things that we might do wrong when it comes to stuff like this is we feel like, oh, I have to change. You don't have to change, but you do need to give yourself what you need in a capacity that feels good for who you are and how your personality works. What about - and this is what thought that I had because I'm totally this person.

Ellyn (21:55):

I, I'll be completely transparent, haven't always had a great relationship with my body. I, full transparency, have been told that I am overweight by multiple family members. Which is kind of what's given me a little bit of like a complex about that. So I have very much come from the perspective of, - and I've kind of had to shake this over the years - that fitness is punishment. It is, I need to work off what I've eaten and therefore a lot of, I have burned myself out by working out. And this is a, something that I feel very passionately about that we focus a little bit too much of our kind of thoughts around burnout and stress around work and to do lists and stuff like that.

Ellyn (22:34):

When I think you can also very much burn yourself out from your workout routines. So how does kind of the rest side of things fit into that? And how can we get to the point where we're thinking about physical self care and fitness and whatnot in a manner where we're not exhausting ourselves and we're not punishing ourselves

Nali (22:54):

I think that, so I have this quote which is, "health looks different on everyone and make health work for you." And like you said, you wanna make things work for you and your lifestyle, your preferences, your favorites, your dislikes. That's how health is going to work for you. How we can bake rest days...?

Nali (23:15):

You don't need a lot of training days to lose weight or get to a certain goal. Like I recommend anywhere from three to four strength training days and going on walks. Very, very simple. I've actually had clients who hated the gym and we just focused on their nutrition and going for walks and they've seen incredible progress. So if, if my clients are giving me their trust and they're like showing up and they're able to see that, hey, I can get to this place and I can see progress by doing so little and not adding so much stress on our bodies. They're like, Oh yeah, I, I see it now. Like I can actually execute these things and it works well for me and I feel good about it cuz I'm not trying to fit into this bodybuilder personality that I see on Instagram. Like, I need to like go to the gym six times a week to like hit this progress mark. And, um, I think when clients start to see that they, they start to let go of that narrative and they're like, Okay, this works for me. I'm confident with it, I feel good. I'm actually seeing progress. I don't have to do, like, I don't have to go so hard.

Nali (24:18):

And I think it's because of like growing up, we've had this all or nothing mindset with everything. It's so hard to be in this gray matter.

Ellyn (24:26):

So true.

Nali (24:27):

If you're not 110%, that means you're zero. That's not, that's not the case. And we have to really try our best to like walk away from that narrative. Mm-hmm.

Ellyn (24:37):

Well I'm so glad you brought that up. I used to, I mean I still think this quote's funny, but this used to be one of my favorite quotes about like, "don't half ass anything, always use your full ass."

Nali (24:48):

<laugh>.

Ellyn (24:49):

Which just cracked me up. But I also was just like, yeah, that's how I roll. Like when I played soccer, I was in it and I was like, I lived and breathed soccer. I didn't even have a job until spring of senior year of high school because I was playing soccer so much. I didn't have time to have a job. You know, academically, I always joke that I feel like for a lot of us as high achievers, we have like, this isn't something that came about once you hit adulthood and you got your first job. Oh heck no. You have been an overachiever since you were a teenager.

Nali (25:23):

Totally.

Ellyn (25:25):

Like all, all or nothing since we were teenagers. Like how many, I actually am really interested to see if you were like this too. When I was in school I had like all I've taken like all APs or all honors classes. I was on varsity soccer, I was in musical theater. I took - for a period of time I was taking voice lessons and piano lessons.

Nali (25:47):

Wow. Wow.

Ellyn (25:48):

I did everything. Like, it was kind of like a, if I'm gonna be good at things, I'm going all in. I'm gonna be good at them. And I think sometimes that is something that is hard for people who are achievers. Like, if I'm gonna be a good employee, I'm gonna be the best employee in the company. If I'm gonna dedicate to fitness, I'm gonna be the fittest person in my friend group. How do we break that mentality? Because I think it's so ingrained in us.

Nali (26:15):

We have to really think about the why. Right. I think that's really important. Why are you doing all of this and who are you doing it for? And when you answer that, who you're doing it for, you'll, you'll find that you're doing it for the company, you're doing it for the boss, you're doing it for your, for your family. And it's less likely that it's actually for yourself.

Nali (26:35):

So when you do that exercise, you realize this and it hits you like a truck. Cuz like, holy crap, have I been living my life for somebody else this entire time? Um, and so I think that's first that awareness piece. And then the second one is like, okay, how can I shift my mindset little by little by practicing like asking myself, Wait a second, who am I doing this for?

Nali (26:58):

And am I going to feel good up front for this or from this or am I going to feel burnt out from this? So it's just checking in with yourself throughout the, throughout the journey. And life is a journey. Every single like sector of your life is a journey. It's, there's nothing that's like, um, stop and go or, you know, everything is long time. It's a long journey is what I'm trying to say.

Ellyn (27:23):

I almost feel like sometimes we do, we do ourselves a disservice by... I mean even us as this is like a teeny bit critical of even us as business owners. Like I feel like sometimes we do a disservice when we say like, "Oh you can change X, Y, Z in this amount of time" because everything that you and I are talking about is a long game. Like even planting that seed of two months and you're done. Like it's not true. Like the stuff that you're gonna be doing, the stuff that you're gonna be doing to become more mindfully fit or the stuff that you're gonna be doing to, you know, achieve more with less burnout. (I'm like using both of our taglines here) Yeah. Um, like that's not one and done stuff. It's not stuff that you are going to be able to change for the rest of your life just by putting in two months of work. Like, that's just not how it works. And so I'm really, really glad you pointed that out. And I'm also really glad you mentioned the you reaction, the it has to be about you.

Nali (28:25):

Yeah.

Ellyn (28:25):

You think about both of us saying that, Oh yeah. I got to this point where I didn't recognize myself and I was kind of losing myself. We're gonna get real here. Who do you think you were doing all of that for?

Nali (28:39):

Oh my gosh. My parents

Ellyn (28:42):

Me too.

Nali (28:43):

I owe them everything. And so, and I've accepted that recently. I, I go to therapy for it actually. It's like I've gone to the point where at first I was angry, then I've accepted it and now I'm thankful for it because I'm gonna use that as fuel, but I'm not gonna have that deter me from living my life either. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So yeah. It's, it's been a journey and a half. Um, but yeah, they're my everything. So, and you know, it's hard cause they, they work so hard for us and we, they like, they pay for my school, they pay for my life. You know, it's like so

Ellyn (29:19):

Like they helped you get to where you are right now.

Nali (29:21):

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

Ellyn (29:23):

Same. Same. Like I think a lot of us as achievers, we have validation come from multiple places, but I think when you boil it down, especially since we were talking about how like a lot of this comes from, you know, habits we've developed since we were teenagers. It comes down to for a lot of us making mom and dad proud. And I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine right when I started going to therapy and we started talking about the fact that she was just like, "I can tell how much you love your parents." And it was funny to me because I'd been like bitching about them for like months at that point. I love you, mom and dad. But I was, I was bitching about you. Um, like, and that was kind of, I think what we all have to realize is where, where those things come from, where those drivers come from. Calling a little bit of BS on when you realize that's starting to trump... Like when somebody else's opinions and perspectives and values start to trump our own - Which I think is, it's okay when you're in your twenties - Like, let's be honest, we're all just trying to like make it through our twenties for the most part.

Nali (30:29):

Oh God. Scariest years. <laugh>

Ellyn (30:33):

Which is like, I I just feel like we, we don't really know ourselves, a lot of us until we're at least into our late twenties. Like, shoot because we've spent so long trying to be everything for everybody else and not enough for us.

Nali (30:47):

Yes.

Ellyn (30:47):

And I think, I love that we kind of, I feel like we both tackle the same issue but from like these different sides, which is yeah. Awesome.

Nali (30:57):

Yeah, definitely. I think we're both trying to preach that, hey, take care of yourself. You can make yourself happy, you can be self-sufficient, spend more time alone, get to know yourself. Like, there's just so much value and fulfillment in that. And also like if you're confident you can do anything and if you believe in yourself, you really can do anything. And where is that going to come from? That's going to come from you getting to know yourself and checking in with yourself and learning and unlearning. That's what the thirties are all about in my opinion.

Ellyn (31:30):

Facts. So true. And I think it's also like so much of it is, it's Yeah. Learning and unlearning. It is that fulfillment that we get from that self knowledge. And I think the best part of that is once you have that self knowledge, once you poured back into yourself about pouring into out or after pouring into so many other people for so long, the really cool part about that is that the, that fulfillment that you mentioned that can't be taken away. You know? Yes. You, you lost your job right before Covid happened. If you poured a lot of your energy and your effort and your identity and your, and your fulfillment and your purpose into that job and then it gets taken away from you. It's like what's left

Nali (32:10):

A shell <laugh>. A shell of a human. And so I'm not allowing that to happen ever again to me. Right. Um, if if things you can't control anything in life, let's just, that's just be, that's just like the truth. What we can control is how you perceive things and how like the narrative that you create around yourself and, and it's hard to detach this, but like, how can we take the happiness that we place on external things and really just have it here in your heart? And so that's what I try to teach my clients. I still go through it every single day cause I'm also imperfect, but it is a practice. Um, so if you look at it as, as like a practice, then um, it gets a little bit easier too. There is no like results there, there is no perfection that we're trying to reach. It's just how can we get better every day, little by little.

Ellyn (33:04):

Love that. Love that. If you had to kind of leave us with any like, kind of final words, kind of final thoughts on how do we sustain that practice, how do we keep that going? Because like we both touched on at this point, it's, it's a lifestyle change. It's something that you've got to sustain. What would we, I know you kind of already touched on your three s's for your morning routine, but like, do you have any other fun little like acronyms or anything like that that?

Nali (33:34):

I don't have other fun acronyms, but I think that with like fitness and nutrition, like if you are in a, like a weight loss journey or fat loss journey, whatever your goals are, you do not wanna miss out on the mindset component. Because I've lost a ton of weight and I still hated myself in the mirror or I've gained a ton of weight and I still hated myself in the, in the mirror. So that missing component is the mindset stuff that you cannot skip over. Um, it's when you combine all of those three is when it, you start to fall in love with the journey. You start to fall in love with these new habits that you're, um, creating and then you get to stick to them cuz they're forever now. And you, you actually like doing these things. Instead of forcing yourself to do something that you don't like and then you get to a certain goal and you're like, I don't even work on myself at all. I don't feel confident. Just because you fit in like really nice pants doesn't mean you're gonna feel confident. You can still feel really terrible about yourself. So, um, I would say that like, don't forget about your mindset. Don't forget to tear yourself up or pat yourself on the back every week. You're doing great. You're doing the best that you can and you're enough.

Ellyn (34:42):

Love that. And even if you don't feel like you're doing the best that you can give yourself some freaking compassion. Cuz you probably are. That's the only

Nali (34:52):

Definitely the judgment piece that you said earlier is really important. Like, okay, I'm sad today, but you're not gonna say because I'm a piece of. Or like, that judgment piece needs to be stripped away. Just honoring your feelings. Like, all right, I'm sad and let me go do some things that's gonna make me feel better. Or maybe you just wanna sulk and that's totally okay. But tomorrow you're gonna start brand new and get right back up.

Ellyn (35:19):

It's even tying it back to the way you said before about like the thoughts you're having or just thoughts. I don't remember exactly how you said it, but like, if you do have the thought that I'm a piece of. Okay. That's just the thought. Do you literally think you're a piece of because you probably don't. So you don't have to let those little impulse moments where you don't feel good be the thing that defines your day or your week or your month or your life. We can call BS on those thoughts when they come up.

Nali (35:48):

Right.

Ellyn (35:49):

And then move through them.

Nali (35:51):

Yeah. And ask for help ask you have resources out there. You don't have to go through this thing alone at

Ellyn (35:58):

Wonderful transition here. How can you help <laugh> <laugh>?

Nali (36:03):

You can find coaches. Um, you can also find me on Instagram. We can just chat you. There's so many people who are pros at what they do. Allow them to teach you, be a learner, continue to be a student. It's one of my favorite things about life is like continuing to learn. I have a coach, I have a therapist, I have my, my entire team to help me. You know, it's like a little, it's a network of of people that you have. It's like you're celebrity or something and you have like a whole team on your back. So build that team. There are free resources. Like, there's just so much out there.

Ellyn (36:37):

I love that. You wanna be Beyonce people, you gotta start building yourself a team.

Nali (36:41):

Exactly.

Ellyn (36:43):

<laugh> and Nali and I can be on it. Okay.

Nali (36:45):

Yep. Exactly.

Ellyn (36:46):

Exactly. I love that. I love that. Awesome. Okay, so tell us before kinda wrap up, tell us a little bit about where people can find you and what are some of the specific things that you offer that might be able to help support some of our or fellow achievers that are listening to this podcast who are trying to get themselves to being mindfully fit.

Nali (37:05):

Yeah. So you can find me on Instagram or TikTok at n underscore supernova and you can go through my Instagram and learn more about me or you could just DM me. I feel like a lot of people are just afraid to DM me, um, or they're afraid that I won't answer, but I answer every single dm, ask me anything. Um, and we can get our conversation started there. But like I said, I do focus a lot on fitness, mindset, nutrition. It is very holistic, especially for those that work a very busy lifestyle and they have such crazy careers and us women we're always trying to level up in our careers. Um, but we also can't forget about our health along the way. And, um, it's important to find what, what works for you in that realm versus like doing something that's completely out of your zone and you're like, this is not even me. And that's why people quit and they burn out. Mm-hmm

Ellyn (37:57):

<affirmative>. Absolutely. And I just kind of wanna add in there as well, think the beauty. I haven't obviously done an podcast interview on this iteration of my podcast. Nali is the first. And I think the power of hearing somebody on a podcast is if you listen to Nali and you're like, Oh my God, we have the same values, we have the same experiences. She gets what I'm going through. If you're hearing yourself saying that to any time you listen to somebody who's a coach or whatever on a podcast and you're looking for that kind of support, that's the best kind of person to reach out to because they get you. And that I think is one of the most invaluable pieces of building that team, that knowledge has mentioned a second ago, is they need to get you and they need to get what you're experiencing and get where you're coming from in your life and in the things that you're experiencing. So if you felt that listening to things today, then you definitely need to hit Nali up. I know you mentioned on Instagram, I am gonna put all of your links and whatnot, but can you give us like your website and your links on Instagram and then we'll go ahead wrap the sucker up.

Nali (39:03):

So again, Instagram and TikTok, @nali_supernova. And then you can also check out my website, supernova.co

Ellyn (39:14):

.co. We're going to emphasize that. When I was looking for originally and it was the wrong website, so it's .co

Nali (39:19):

Yes.

Ellyn (39:20):

Awesome. Well Nali, thank you so much for being here. This is a lot of fun. I definitely feel like I'm glad that Erica connected us because we definitely do have a lot in common. Thanks Erica. Yeah.

Nali (39:31):

Shout out to Erica.

Ellyn (39:32):

Um, and yes, thank you so much again for being here. I really, really enjoyed having you.

Nali (39:36):

Yeah, me too. I had so much fun. Thank you for asking such great questions as well.