#121 - 4 Reasons Why Your ROUTINES NEVER STICK
Summary
In this episode, I talk about routines, why you need and 4 reasons why - for so many of us - our routines don't stick or aren't enjoyable to begin with. Plus, I'll be showing you what to do so these routines are no longer a problem!
For show notes, head to coachellyn.com/podcast and, of course, if you have any questions or want to connect, head on over to @coachellyn on Instagram.
ACTION STEPS:
Reason #1 - You’re doing too much too soon. Too many of us overwhelm ourselves with too many steps and too long of a routine right from the beginning. Instead, start small, simple, and build your routine the same way you build anything: brick by brick.
Reason #2 - You’re not giving yourself something to look forward to. If you’re going to engage in a routine every single day, there’s gotta be something about the routine that you love and look forward to so much that it draws you to the routine. Like a good cup of coffee…
Reason #3 - You’re doing too much of what you “should” do and not enough of what you want to do. Screw “should”. What people are telling you that you “should” do in your routines isn’t what you might want to do nor is what you might need to do. Focus on you and what you need. Screw “should”.
Reason #4 - You’re not reviewing how your routines are actually making you feel. Why did you want this routine in the first place? Solitude? Peace? Calm? Organization? Productivity? Why? What was the motivation? And better yet, is your routine actually helping you get there?
RESOURCES IN THIS EPISODE:
Transcript for this episode:
(00:00):
Hey there, my friend, and welcome back to the take back your life podcast. You know, the switch to every month has been, it's taken a huge weight off my shoulders, and frankly, every time I come back, my commitment to, and you know, I was always committed to this, but my commitment to making sure that each and every episode I deliver to you is punchy and content packed and really, really valuable. It's even higher, you know, before, whenever you really commit yourself to a schedule, sometimes you're just producing new content because you feel like you quote, unquote have to. And I will admit there was a period of time when I was podcasting that I felt that way. And so I'm really, really happy with the switch to the monthly format.
(01:51):
It takes so much pressure off of me and it really, really makes me think so much more. When I sit down and record an episode of why is this going to be valuable to you? And this episode was really inspired by one of my newer clients who we're very, very focused on routine and really helping him create routines that are going to serve him that are going to stick. Because for so many of the instances before where he tried to create routines, those routines never worked out and he found himself floundering and not getting what he wanted out of the routines to begin with. And that really led me to think about, as I was creating this episode, I knew I wanted to talk about routines, but I didn't want it to be like some cookie cutter episode. I wanted it to address those particular things that so many of us do wrong when it comes to creating routines. Now I could launch into a big spiel about why you need routines and why it's so important. And I do think they're important, particularly if you're somebody who struggles with burnout, because when you have a routine built around something, you can just go on autopilot and kind of shut your brain off a little bit more, which doesn't that sound nice, right? Like I'm sure there's so many instances where you're just like, God, I just wish I could turn off. That's why routines are great.
(03:00):
But so often there are so many things we do wrong when it comes to creating routines. And in this episode, I'm going to be giving you four tips, four reasons why your routines never stick and how to work around it. So let's dive right into this. Let's dive right into reason. Number one, why your routines never stick. And that reason is you're doing too much too soon. Now what I mean by that? And I'm actually going to give myself as an example, here is you plan out your routine, you know, exactly the, you know, six things you're going to do. How long are you going to spend doing each thing in that routine? And some of us are very type a like this. I hope you're kind of nodding and smiling along with me, but some of us that's how we approach our routines.
(03:42):
That's how I approached routines when I first started doing it. In fact, when I first really got into the nitty-gritty of a morning routine, it was the miracle morning. Now, for those of you that aren't familiar with the miracle morning is a book by Hal Elrod. And the whole premise of the book is there are six steps in his morning routine spending time in silence, doing affirmations, doing visualizations, doing, um, what is the E exercise? Oh my gosh, I almost forgot the E um, reading. And then the last one is journaling or what he calls scribing. Now, when I first started doing that, I wasn't doing any of those pieces and I just dove head first into trying to do all six. And let me tell you right now, that is a mistake. That is the thing I see too many people do right out the gate when it comes to routine, if they try to find the perfect routine and then they start doing every single part of it from the get-go, and that is a recipe for overwhelm.
(04:42):
And that is a recipe for disaster, particularly for achiever brains like ours, because we so badly wanted to be perfect and want to, you know, we want to have this whole thing down and figured out we don't like the process. We like the end goal. That can be a recipe for disaster, for our personality type, because it sets us up for failure. It sets us up for an instance where if we don't stick to our plan or we don't complete everything in our routine, we beat ourselves up. So that is reason. Number one, why your routines never stick as you're doing too much, too soon. And how we fix that is we start simple and small. If you have a routine that has a whole bunch of steps to it, pick one step to start with pick one step that you think is going to be kind of the Keystone habit to get everything going and everything moving forward.
(05:31):
And then build from there. When I was building my routine and I finally had success with it, I started with meditation. I started by just cultivating a meditation habit. And then from there I layered on reading. And from there I layered on journaling. Actually reading was something that I already did. So it was easy to kind of couple meditation on top of that. And then journaling and then exercising. And I built brick by brick to build my current morning routine, which is actually, you know, kind of changed a lot over the years, but that's ultimately what works is building it brick by brick, because then you can make sure that you have that first habit in place, whatever that is. And you can build all the other habits on top of it. So reason number one, while your routines never stick, as you're doing too much, too soon, and how we can fix that is to go, step-by-step build brick by brick and just do one habit at a time until you fully got the routine in place.
(06:32):
Now, reason number two is you're not giving yourself something to look forward to reason. Number two, why your routines never stick is that you're not giving yourself something to look forward to. And what I mean is so often, especially if you're somebody who's struggled with being a morning person and getting yourself out of bed in the morning, this one is huge for morning routines. You've got to give yourself something to look forward to. You got to give yourself something that is going to get you out of bed in the morning. And it sounds so simple, but for me, that thing is my cup of coffee. If you try to take my coffee from me in the morning, I will fight you for lack of a better way to say it. I will fight you if you try to take my cup of coffee in the morning, but for this new client that I've been working with, they check into something that's a part of their work.
(07:23):
And generally speaking, I wouldn't say check into work first thing in the morning, but this is something that they are so excited about. They love doing, and it just didn't make sense to tell them to delay that they were so excited to get out of the morning and do this thing that related to their job had to do with checking the news and checking stocks. They were so stoked about that. That was their thing to look forward to in the morning. So the fix for this one is very, very simple. You've got to figure out what that is. That will be something that you look forward to. If you live in a warm area, maybe it's sitting out on your balcony in the sunshine. Maybe you're like me and you love that morning coffee. Maybe you really, really look forward to just a moment of quiet to crack, open a book.
(08:14):
Maybe that's your thing. But if you're going to get yourself out of bed in the morning and you're going to get yourself, that's going to be the habit. That's going to kick off a routine that you're actually going to enjoy doing. You have to give yourself something to look forward to in your routine. And if your routines haven't been sticking, that could be a good reason. Why is you're not giving yourself that first step that you really look forward to and you thoroughly enjoy. So tip number one is or reason number one, why your routines never stick is that you're doing too much too soon. And you've got to simplify and build brick by brick and reason. Number two is you're not giving yourself something to look forward to. So figure out what that thing and start building your routine around. Now, the third reason why your routines never stick.
(09:02):
I love it. This one you're doing too much of what you should do and not enough of what you want to do. Now, the example I have with this one kind of comes from this new client. We were actually talking about workout routine because we're building all sorts of routines for him. And he found himself saying, well, I feel like I should do cardio. And I kind of smirked because y'all know how I feel about that word should do cardio. So I immediately asked, well, what are your goals? Like, why do you feel like you should do cardio? What do you even want out of your fitness routine? Turns out goals had nothing to do with anything that cardio could give him. Cardio was an unnecessary part of a workout routine for him because frankly, that, wasn't what he wanted.
(09:50):
Think about your business goals. Maybe, maybe you're doing too much of what all the gurus out there have told you, you should do. And not enough of what actually brings you joy in your business, which may be, is interacting with people or networking or, you know, building community, whatever, but maybe your dang vastly too much attention to what you feel like you should do and not enough of what you want to do. Another example of this. As I mentioned earlier, I started building my morning routine around with miracle morning, and I got to the point with that routine where I kept kind of feeling like it was a lot of, should I say I do the morning routine? So I should do the six steps. But ultimately I found myself really uninspired by aspects of that morning routine. And as soon as I gave myself permission to not do that anymore, not be a, you know, an avid miracle morning follower, any more, as soon as I gave myself permission to not do it, do that and create a routine that better suited me changer made all the difference.
(10:58):
Third reason is you're doing too much of what you should do and not enough of what you want to do in your routine. So just to recap, tip a reason. Number one is you're doing too much, too soon, simplify and build brick by brick read the number two is you're not giving yourself something to look forward to. And that is so important. You've got to have something that's going to kick start your routine. And reason. Number three is you're doing too much of what you should do and not enough of what you want to do. Don't pay attention to the. They will not get you anywhere when it comes to building your routines. And you're just going to resent the routines you create. If you pay too much attention to should anyway. Now last but not least reason. Number four, while your routines never stick is you're not reviewing how your team, your routines are actually making now, why do you want to build whatever your team you're thinking about?
(11:48):
Why do you want to build this in the first place? Why do you want to morning routine or an evening or a start to your Workday routine or whatever it is? Why do you want that? And are you ever actually checking in with yourself to ask if it's giving you that if your morning routine is all about giving yourself space and calm and peace and solitude in your day, but you're finding that you're trying to build in your exercise into that. And you're listening to like some freaking gangster rap music for your exercise routine in the morning is that actually making you feel the way you wanted the routine to make you feel. If you have, you know, a start of your Workday routine and you want it to do it, to feel organized and like you were prioritizing the right things. And yet you're starting by checking your email.
(12:44):
Is that making you feel organized and like you're prioritizing the right thing. Is it giving you that feeling that you wanted when you initially set out to create the routine? You all hear me talk about a weekly review so much, but that's because it does so many things. I'm recording this podcast on Sunday night. I'm just about to sit down and do mine, but maybe that's the reason why your routines never stick is because you never look at them and ask, is this actually making me feel the way I want to feel? And if it's not, what intentional changes can you implement to make it better? If you want more peace and calm and solitude, find another spot in your day for your workout. That's not during your morning routine. If you want more organization and prioritization, maybe you bumped the checking the email until after, you know, look at your to-do list and your meetings and your deliverables for the week, whatever the goal is, make sure that your routine aligns with it and make sure you're constantly reviewing and checking in so that you know whether or not it does.
(13:57):
So those are my four reasons why your routines never stick and some actionable ways in which you can overcome those reasons. So just to recap, to leave you with this all tied up in a nice little package, read the number one is you're doing too much too soon, and you need to cut back and you need to do some provide reason. Number two is you're not giving yourself something to look forward to reason. Number three is you're doing too much of what you quote unquote should do, and not enough of what you want to do. And reason number four is you're not reviewing how your routines are actually making you feel. I know when I do these tip oriented episodes, that it seems like I'm repeating myself a lot, but I'm really abiding by this great Aristotle quote about communication. And he said, there are three things that you need to do. Tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them. And that's exactly what I'm trying to do here so that you really, really emerge from this knowing exactly what those implementable tips are so you can then take them into your life.
(14:52):
So if you've been struggling, implementing routines, whether we're talking morning, work evening routines, whatever it is, test out these four reasons why your routine is never sick and get in touch with me @coachellyn on Instagram. And tell me what was the tip that resonated the most or that you think is going to make the biggest difference for you?
I'd love to hear from you, but other than that, that's all I've got for you today. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you're loving the content. I hope you're cool with the monthly format. I will see you next time, my friend. Have a great one…