Day 3 - Undermining Your Confidence


Day 3 - Undermining your Confidence

As someone who used to be the queen of this, I think I can safely say that many of us like to blame other people or situations for why we lack confidence. But, I'm here to tell you that there's a lot of things that we do that undermine our confidence. 

Some of us are masters of what I like to call catastrophizing. This refers to the times in our life when we look around at all the good things we have--great family, great job, great house, great significant other--and instead of being grateful for these things we say to ourselves, "something's gotta give" and we start planning for the disaster, what-if scenario. If the house burned down, if my spouse was killed, if I was fired tomorrow, etc. Depressing, right? And yet how many of us do it? So, instead of catastrophizing when things are going well, try taking a deep breath and start writing down all the things you're grateful for!

Another example is deflecting compliments. This is particularly common among women, but I've heard humans of all shapes, sizes and genders do this, so nobody rides for free! It can be as simple as someone complimenting you on your hair or your outfit, or as big as a boss praising you for a great presentation or pitch in a big meeting. Oftentimes, instead of relishing the praise, or even saying a pleasant "thank you!", our immediate response is to downplay ourselves or brush off the comment. And it makes total sense why we do it! We don't want to come across conceded or, God forbid, narcissistic, am I right? I get it! I really do! But acting like this certainly doesn't serve your confidence! Instead of brushing things off and deflecting, just say a simple "thank you!" Nothing fancy. Just thank who ever acknowledged you and build from there! 
The next example is a doozy: perfectionism. I feel like a lot of self-described perfectionists struggle with confidence in some manner or another because we just don't allow ourselves anything that remotely resembles failure or not being "the best". And it's silly. Can we all just at least acknowledge that our need to be the best person in the pole dancing class, having never taken pole dancing before, is just plain silly? And yes, we can also acknowledge that I opted to use pole dancing as an example, Haha. But in all seriousness, perfectionism is a straight jacket. The perfectionistic author will never publish a book because it will never be ready. The perfectionistic entrepreneur will never start the business or pitch the idea because it needs more fine-tuning. And the perfectionistic coach will never actually start coaching because she always feels like she needs more training (yup, I'm throwing my own perfectionism in there too). The bottom line is perfectionism doesn't serve you. So why do it? It's doing nothing but keep you down, hold you back, and make you feel like you're never enough in the process. 

So having listed off a handful of the ways in which we undermine our confidence, I want you to take a moment and consider this for yourself. What are some of the ways you undermine your confidence? Do you catastrophize? Are you a perfectionist? Do you deflect any and all compliments? Or do you have another method that you use to undermine your confidence? Take a moment now and write down some of the methods that you use. Then, come up with things you can do differently in these situations. 

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Ellyn SchinkeComment