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your to-do list isn’t the only thing that can burn you out…

I’m used to being burned out by my to-do list or being burned out by work. I’m even sort of used to being burned out by the balance of having high expectations of myself in terms of my goals, my social commitments, and my career.

I’m so used to that. But…lately the thing that has been burning me out hasn’t been any of that. It’s actually been…my social life + dating. 🤯 I know….

In late September, I realized that I hadn’t taken a weekend off since June.

I’d gone 3 months straight of having demanding, draining, busy weekends that were mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing. It started with long, demanding hikes. I’m talking double digit miles, 3000-4000 ft of elevation gain, and being on my feet for 8-10 hours. This all culminated with hiking to Camp Muir—Mt Rainier base camp—at the end of July.

Then, it was weddings. In fact, in the last 3 months, I’ve gone to 4 weddings, two of which were in the same weekend.

Then, it was dating. I posted this on Instagram recently, but being single is exhausting. Or rather - DATING is exhausting! Why?! Oh em gee...there’s so many reason.

• WADING THROUGH POTENTIAL MEN ON DATING APPS! No one likes dating apps - and it’s basically a full-time job to wade through the f*** boys, to tease through all the profiles that have a single picture and no information, and to really look into someone’s profile and see if there’s enough substance there to make you want to pour time into even considering going out with them…

• THE LOGISTICS OF THE DATING PART. There’s such a time suck that even goes into meeting someone on a dating app…and then it’s the back and forth messaging, the feeling like you have to keep up the witty banter until you actually meet up, scheduling - which can take a full day of messaging in and of itself - and then the actual dating part.

• THE EMOTIONS THAT COME UP THROUGHOUT THE PROCESS. If there’s one part of my life that I really try to practice what I preach, it’s in my self-awareness. When shit comes up for me, I want to navigate it and journal it out. And it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re doing a lot of dating to navigate all that shit that comes up…

  • Am I actually okay with casual? Or am I just tired of spending Friday nights alone?

  • Am I actually interested in this guy or is it just validating that he wants me?

  • What’s the balance between being picky and having standards?

  • Am I dating this person because I feel like I can be in control OR am I dating someone who will actually challenge me the way I want to challenged?

I’m overanalytical by nature and I’m analyzing all these things that are coming up. And IT👏🏻HAS👏🏻BEEN👏🏻EX👏🏻HAUSTING👏🏻. Sorry - I had to add that extra clapping emoji for emphasis.

But, it’s not just the dating part. My social life has been…overwhelming.

My social life has included the following:

• A full weekend with my family which was more draining then rejuvenating—sorry fam…

• A day on the river with my social club, which was, again, more draining then rejuvenating

• A full weekend at wedding festivities in central Washington celebrating friends

• A week of 2 nights out socializing, 1 long hike, and a labor day bbq

• A full day’s adventure on a yacht in the middle of Lake Washington

• A full weekend away on Whidbey Island for another wedding

• A housewarming party that turned into 8 hours of shenanigans

Those were my recent weekends—and I skipped a lot. Until I got to the point where I had to ask for a full-blown weekend off to just mentally and emotionally. I hit a full-blown wall of exhaustion.

More than anything…I was confused as to why I was so drained…

It’s not like I’d been skipping out on self-care or taking care of myself…and yet I just couldn’t get my energy back. I couldn’t shake this perpetual exhaustion. An exhaustion that permeated my mental, emotional, and physical state. It was so rough.

I’ll be talking more in the future about the 7 types of rest and how that potentially factored into things for me, but I think the important thing—in reflecting on my dating and social life—is to take a break! To allow myself that in the same way that I encourage my clients to allow themselves to take a break from work…and goal-getting!

We allow ourselves to take a break from all these things that are exhausting us in our lives - or at least we should. But, for some reason, I wasn’t applying that same thing to my dating or social lives.

If dating and all these social activities are exhausting me right now and draining me right now, perhaps I need to take a break from it?! #duh, right?!

But I think we don’t because we convince ourselves that doing so is weak.

I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I feel like I should be able to handle so much more than I can. I have these expectations of my life and what I’m going to be able to jam pack into it, that when I can’t handle it, I get disappointed with myself.

Real talk…I’ve gone on 2 dates with the same person since I got back in the dating game. It would’ve been 3 but your girl got ghosted…

Anyways, I think I judge myself for that. I should be able to handle more than that, shouldn’t I?! I’m a big girl. I’m an adult. If having a bustling social life and finding my person are priorities for me, I should prioritize them, right?! So, why am I so drained from 2 dates in 3 months and 1 day a week of socializing?!?

But it’s not just those things, is it?! 

It’s the 30+ hours a week of meetings in my day job, the however-many hours a week of business activities, the social commitments, the self-care activities that are so important to me, the almost 20 men I’ve matched with and tried to see if there was something there…and yet they stopped responding. It’s the dozen of personal questions that have come up that I’ve had to navigate as I’ve been testing out the dating waters and continually learning about myself.

It’s been the pressures and commitments of socializing and dating on top of all the emotion and bandwidth my day job and business demand. It’s 2 dates…a night a week of socializing….a shit ton of emotions…and all the daily responsibilities of being a fucking adult.

And it’s the same thing for you, too!

Maybe you’re not exhausted by socializing or dating right now. Maybe you’re exhausted because the kids went back to school. Maybe you’re exhausted because they piled even more onto your plate at work. Maybe you’re exhausted because someone in your life is ill or struggling and you’re navigating all the emotions and responsibility of that.

Whatever it is that’s exhausting you, are you judging yourself for needing a break from that?! Are you judging yourself because you “should” be able to handle more?!

If you are…stop. Stop judging yourself. You’re a human and you’re clearly reaching your limits. And you know what?! That’s okay. Let me say that again…

You’re a human and you’re reaching your limits and that’s A👏🏻OKAY👏🏻

But, before I leave you, here are some things to do and some questions to consider. Firstly, think about how whatever you’re considering taking on fits into your life. You might want to go to that event, take on that project, start that business do that thing, but do you have the energy? The bandwidth? If the answer is no, okay?! It doesn’t mean that whatever that thing is doesnt’ have a place in your life. It just might not have a place right now.

It’s also important to realize that you can fit a lot into your life, but that doesn’t always mean you should. One other important quesiton to ask ourselves is this: is it going to fill you up to add that thing or is it going to drain you?!

A lot of the realizations I made about myself and what my energy drains were came from having a habit of self-reflection. Yes, a part of that is having a journaling practice, but perhaps a bigger part of that is my weekly review. If you’ve never turned something like this into a habit, I highly recommend checking out my Take Back Your Time planner. Self-reflection is a built in part of this planner and includes weekly, monthly, and quartelry reviews. Additionally, I have both a paper and digital version of this planner, so no matter your planning style, there’s something that fits you.

So, that’s what I wanted to share today. It turned into something completely different then I thought it would, but isn’t that the beauty of this? Of writing and sharing your stories and your truth?!

I think it is. 🙂

What draining you lately?

Drop a comment below!

If you enjoyed this post, tune into episode 007 of Burned Out to Badass for more on this topic: