Hey there! Ellyn here. . .

AND, CAN I JUST SAY, I GET YOU. I GET BEING STUCK IN “SHOULD”…

i get CONSTANTLY FEELING LIKE YOU have to do what’s “expected” or that you NEED PERMISSION TO BE YOURSELF...I get it!

Before I was a coach, I was a scientist. Hell, I was getting my Ph.D. And there was nothing wrong with my life and the path I was on. It was a great path. I had my family’s support, I was respected… and I was pretty damn successful at it. I didn’t need to convince anyone that I had a good career. But that path? It didn't feel like mine…

So many of us are on a path because it was the one that was expected of us.

We choose our career to make our parents proud. We stayed in our career because we don’t’ want to disappoint anyone. I get it! I stayed in graduate school for 3 reasons - 1) I wanted to be Dr. Ellyn, 2) It was my income, and 3) Because I didn’t want to disappointment my family by leaving. It’s hard to admit, but it’s the honest truth.

we only get one shot at our lives, our TIME on this planet…

I wasn’t about to waste my one shot chasing someone else’s dreams. I wasn’t about to be 80 years old and look back at my life saying, “Oh I wish I’d done that.” I realized that I would rather TRY and FAIL then wonder if I could’ve have made it happen. And as much as I loved my family and wanted more than anything to make them proud of me, to do right by them, I had to learn who I truly was, what I truly wanted. I deserved to live full out, and deep down, even though it would scare the living hell out of them, they wanted me to be happy. I deserved it. I knew that - and, you know what? You deserve it to.

so, lemme ask you…

are you going to spend that time living for you or someone else?

It’s time to forgive yourself...

It’s time to free yourself from blame and guilt...

It’s time to give yourself permission to live a life that’s yours...

I help people like me and like you.  People who followed a career path really well only to discover that it wasn't quite for them. Who feel stuck in “should”, who constantly feel like they’re asking for permission to live their lives the way they want to. Who want more out of their life, whatever more may be, but feel restricted by the expectations of the people closest to them. That's where I can help! 

I’M HERE TO EMPOWER YOU TO CREATE A LIFE YOU F’ING LOVE ON YOUR TERMS. HOW?

By helping you to get clear on who you are and what you want, by helping you create the confidence in yourself so you stop looking for that external validation from others and by giving you the organizational systems so that you’ll actually spend time nurturing your dreams and goals, not just those that the people closest to you have chosen for you.

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June 06, 2018 by Wendy van Hardeveld IMG_3486 (4).jpg

I USED TO BE REALLY GOOD AT FOLLOWING the “PLAN”…

At the ripe old age of 17 (yes, I’m 1000% kidding), I decided that I was going to be a scientist. And I was stubbornly stuck on that decision. But that stubborn commitment wasn’t about following my passions and doing something that I really loved. If I’m being honest…

I CHOSE MY PATH to MAKE OTHERS PROUD.

You see, my whole childhood, I’d been getting inputs, subtle hints about what a “good career” was. Little comments. “So-and-so’s kid majored in Art History! What can you do with that degree?” Before I even started college, in my head, a lot of my passions were axed as potential careers. So I chose science…

I may have been successful in science. I may have been in my dream PhD program. But 10 years in and not even 2 years into my PhD program, I wasn’t satisfied. If I’m being honest, I was depressed and, for the first time, I landed in therapy because of it…

I need something for me…

So, I started with health & fitness. As a former competitive soccer player, I knew I had an athlete buried deep within me that I’d lost. And I wanted her back. I wanted to feel strong…but dabbling in health and fitness ultimately threw a monkey wrench into my life. It introduced me to self-help, personal growth and coaching. And that introduction blew my world wide open. Because the deeper I got into this world, the more I thrived, and the more I changed.

but, I started to feel guilty…& selfish

My parents and I had invested money into a Bachelor’s degree that I was wondering if I even wanted anymore. My graduate program and mentors had invested time and resources into my training. How selfish was I that I would waste all the time, money and resources that all these other people had invested in me?

I felt so bad. So I tried as hard as I could to pour myself into my PhD. To find the joy again. To recommit. But the more I channeled my focus and my energy into the path that everyone was telling me I “should” be on, the more depressed and inauthentic I felt.

It took an avalanche of low points to make me realize that I couldn’t do it anymore. So, following a death in the family, a hit-and-run car accident and a bicycle crash that left me nursing a broken arm, I was done.

I quit my Phd…
and I freaked a lot of people out in the process

but, I knew I had to quit living for other people - it was time to live for me...

In the aftermath of this decision, some of the people closest to me DID tell me how disappointed they were. Someone who had been a good friend left a barrage of flippant insults and disrespect in my inbox, telling me I was “making a mistake” - and the close friendship disintegrated into nothing. When I decided to travel for a year, I was greeted with a 30-point, bulleted list of reasons why a year of travel was a bad idea by someone close to me. When I decided to take a stab at contract work and self-employment, I was told that I should get a “real job”, despite making 3x as much as a contractor than I ever had in research.

It wasn’t easy, but I knew that I had made a huge shift. I wasn’t going to be driven my external validation any longer.

Along this 4.5 year journey, I’ve experienced some of my highest highs and lowest lows. I’ve struggled to connect with the people in my life that “don’t get” the path I’m on, who don’t understand why I’d give up the security and stability of my former life. But I’ve said “yes” to some amazing opportunities and ideas. I’ve started my dream business, visited my 24th country, launched multiple online training programs, started a podcast, started writing 3 books and have had the honor of helping others transform their lives along the way.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
are you ready to be one of them?

WILL YOU SETTLE FOR making everyone around you happy or WILL you live a life that’s yours?

YOU DESERVE to live life on your terms…you just have to be willing to create it.

Let’s Do this!

 
 

My Core Values...

growth | vitality | discipline | freedom | passion | authenticity


 
 
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