How to Navigate Fear & Failure into 2019...
How do we navigate moments when we fail? How do we bounce back? How do we not beat ourselves up? I don’t know about you…but I know how daunting failure and the fear of failure can be. In our careers, in our relationships, in our health…in so many ways. I know how having failure before can haunt us and be so hard to bounce back from. But it doesn’t have to be. Today, we’re going to elaborate a little bit more on some of the topics that we touched on in our interview on Tuesday and I’m going to leave you with 5 tips for how to navigate fear and failure as we reflect on our 2018 and as we move into 2019…
Tips for Navigating Fear & Failure:
- Reflect on the times in the past when you were uncomfortable, doubting yourself and when you weren’t the most confident. Reflect on the disaster scenarios you invented in your head regarding that situation, and ask yourself…did that situation actually play out? Often, when we want something really badly, we undermine our confidence by inventing disaster scenarios in our heads of what “could” happen. Maybe you want to approach someone at a bar that you’re attracted to…but you keep telling yourself that he’s going to turn you down in disastrous fashion. Maybe you have a big presentation you need to give…but you’re terrified that someone is going to ask a question that completely stumps you and that you’re going to be found out as the imposter that you are. These are both real examples from my life…and in both of these scenarios, those disaster scenarios didn’t happen. My presentation went phenomenally. The guy I approached…he turned me down, yes, but it wasn’t as big of a deal as I had built it up to be in my head. So often, the disaster scenarios we create doesn’t actually happen. And when we’re stuck in fear, it’s important to remind ourselves of that.
- What’s the worst thing that could happen in this situation…and can you recover from it? If you have a big presentation and you have a technical issue and lose all your slides, someone walks in in the middle of the presentation and interrupts your entire presentation, or someone asks you a question that you don’t know how to answer…are those the worst things? Okay. If they are, can you recover from them? HELL YES YOU CAN! You won’t die and you won’t be fired if technology issues happen. You won’t die if someone asks you a question you can’t answer. In fact, people would probably have a lot of empathy in that situation. Getting turned down by someone you ask out…can you recover from that?
Abso-FREAKING- lutely. Maybe you get turned down in GLORIOUS fashion and get laughed at…but even then, can you recover from that? YES! It might be embarrassing. It might make you feel shame. But, can you recover? Will you eventually date again? Will people support you. YES!
- If you had a crystal ball that GUARANTEED your success at whatever you’re pursuing, what ACTIONS would you take and are those actions different than the actions you’re currently taking? This is a GREAT gut check. Because so often, we get
ina state of fear and because of that, we don’t take the actions that we should take. We don’t make the investment we should make. We don’t ask the guy/girl out. We basically make our fear a self-fulfilling prophecy and sabotage ourselves. Cuz you can’t go on a date with the good-looking dude if you don’t ASK! So, let this tip serve as a gut check for you. Let this tip remind you to make sure you’re not sabotaging YOURSELF with your actions.
- If you have failed in the past, ask yourself…what is the lesson that you can take from that failure? Because there ALWAYS IS ONE! This is crucially important for bouncing back! And it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It may be something as simple as learning that you’re more resilient than you thought you are. It may be as simple as learning what NOT to do. Whatever. If you ask someone out and they say no, what’s the lesson there? That you can bounce back when you’re rejected.
- Have some GOD DAMN SELF-COMPASSION & STOP COMPARING YOURSELF. Oftentimes, the only reason we feel like failures because we’re comparing ourselves to others, we’re holding ourselves to impractical standards, or because we’re assuming that our path to success has to be perfect and completely without obstacles. We compare our behind-the-scenes to someone’s highlight reel. It’s cliche, I know! But it’s important to know this! If you fail, you’re not a failure. You’re brave trying. And we need to have some DAMN COMPASSION during the process. We need to allow ourselves to have our own process and our own journey and not compare ourselves to other. It’s the most important piece of the puzzle!