Day 4 - Self-Compassion
Day 4 - Self-Compassion
Let's face it. We are assholes to ourselves. Seriously. One the most detrimental things to our confidence is simply the way that we talk to ourselves, our self-critique or self-judgment. If our friend were to mess up at work, we'd reassure them. We'd say, "Don't worry! It probably wasn't as bad as you think. I'm sure your boss will understand. How about another glass of wine?" (Kidding. Sort of.). However, if we do the same thing, what do we say. "Nice going dumb ass. Once again showing the world what an idiot you are." That might be a little harsh, but I'd actually be willing to bet we've all said these things, or something similar, to ourselves when we've made mistakes.
When I first heard of self-compassion, I was absolutely blown away. Not only because I'd never fully paid attention to how bad my negative self-talk actually was, but because I had no idea how, frankly, detrimental it can be. Seriously! Negative self-talk on a consistent basis is one of the most harmful, if not the most harmful, thing you can possibly do to your confidence. Period.
So, how can you make a change? Admittedly, it's not easy. Changing a behavior that you've been doing your entire life won't be something that you can overcome in a day (or 10). But, what you can do is start recognizing those moments when you have negative self-talk and start implementing a little self-compassion. How will you know if you have negative self-talk? First and foremost, talk to yourself the way that you would talk to your best friend. Seriously, if you wouldn't say some of the things that are running through your inner monologue, specifically in the tone of voice you're using when you're saying them to yourself, to your best friend for fear that he or she would never speak to you again, then that is negative self-talk.
So, I want you to start doing this today. When you make a mistake or do something embarrassing, pay attention to the thoughts that run through your head. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. Use the "best friend" indicator to decide if it's negative and if it is, make a point of trying to speak more gently to yourself. Console yourself the way you would a friend Give yourself a little positive pep talk instead of berating yourself for your mistakes. It might feel weird (okay, really weird) the first few times you do it, but long term, it's going to make all the difference.
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